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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

‘Mountain’ or molehill?

Steve and Mia Knight Ridder

QMy girlfriend wants to see “Brokeback Mountain,” but I don’t want to see a movie with two guys having sex. She says I’m being narrow-minded. I say that I don’t have a problem with gay people, I just don’t want to watch a whole movie about them. Who’s right?

Mia: This isn’t really a right or wrong thing. Just so you know, I’ve seen the picture and it’s really beautiful. There’s really only one love scene, which is tastefully done. Basically, it’s a movie about love and loneliness – to which straight and gay people can relate.

That said, I don’t think that opting not to see this movie should define your feelings on homosexuality. If you really don’t want to see it, your girlfriend shouldn’t make too big a deal about it.

Steve: She probably didn’t want to see “The Longest Yard” remake but went anyway because she wanted to make you happy, right? Or maybe it was “Sin City.” Relationships are all about compromise. Hey, you might like it.

Q My long-distance boyfriend recently cooked dinner in his apartment for a female friend who’d helped him out at work. He told me that she was really unattractive, but I still feel uncomfortable about it. Is it unfair of me to ask him not to do this again?

Steve: Cooking dinner for her in his apartment would make me a bit nervous, too. Did they share a bottle of wine? Lunch at a nice restaurant would’ve been more appropriate. I wouldn’t try to enforce a strict rule on no women in his apartment, but it’s reasonable to ban his cooking for a woman alone there.

Mia: And me thinks he doth protest a little too much, insisting that it’s platonic and that she’s unattractive.

QI gave my girlfriend of six months a book for Christmas and she gave me a watch. I think this says that she is more into the relationship than I am. What should I do?

Mia: Ouch. The present differential. This is why it’s often good to set price limits ahead of time. But hey, you scored a nice watch! The holidays can put a lot of pressure on a relationship and gift giving is a big part of that. If things are going well with this girl and you’re happy, then don’t overanalyze. But perhaps talk about gifts and plans before Valentine’s Day rolls around.

Steve: Mia’s right. Discuss a spending limit first, and don’t mistake generosity for depth of emotion.

Q Many years ago, I dated the woman who is now my new boss’ wife. I don’t know if he knows this, but since he took over my assignment has been changed twice and there seems to be confusion now about what my role should be as he reorganizes things. Will my career get sidetracked because I once dated his wife? Am I being paranoid?

Steve: As Napoleon observed, never attribute to conspiracy that which can be explained by incompetence. Odds are that he’s just figuring out how to run the organization. Having a chat with a new boss about your future is always a good idea and could put your mind at ease.

Mia: Forget the wife issue. Ask for a meeting with the guy and make sure he knows your abilities and what you can contribute in the workplace.