Tim Gaebe balances dual role as coach-dad

The athletic world is full of dads – and moms, for that matter – who have coached their own kids, and there are probably an equal number of arguments for and against the practice.

It’s true that most of the time parents begin coaching their children as volunteers, and as the young athletes progress in age and skills, mom and dad typically step aside as they defer to coaches with more knowledge, expertise and experience.

But what if mom or dad is a professional educator and coach? There are heartwarming stories of success where both parent and child rise to the challenge, but there are also horror stories where a coach is either too tough on his or her own child or else shows favoritism which can divide a team.

So what’s going on at Shadle Park High School, where boys basketball coach Tim Gaebe has two of his sons on his varsity squad, senior Jake and sophomore Nick? What’s more, Gaebe is assisted by former North Central and University varsity coach Jay Humphrey, whose freshman son Zack is a key member of the Highlanders.

Tim Gaebe started coaching his sons when they were in elementary school, staying with it as long as Washington Interscholastic Activities Association rules allowed it. When he got the Shadle Park varsity coaching job three years ago after 18 years at the North Side school, Jake joined him on the varsity and Gaebe wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It’s great to be around them,” he said. “This is a one-shot deal – you don’t get this time back. To make it work, I try really hard not to take things home. What happens at the gym needs to stay at the gym.”

That can be a difficult task for any dad who, as most coaches do, hold their children to high athletic standards.

“I’ve seen it work both ways,” Gaebe said. “My biggest thing in coaching my kids at any level is that I wanted it to be fun and enjoyable for all of us, not to make it negative by being their coach when I need to be their dad.

“There’s a time and place to be a coach and a time to be a dad. I do the best I can to separate the two.”

Gaebe’s sons agree that separating the two roles is the biggest challenge for their father, and they give him high marks for his efforts.

“The toughest thing for me,” said Jake, “is that sometimes at the gym, even though he’s my coach then, I still see him as my dad. I’ve had to work hard to overcome that, to just see him as my coach when I’m on the court.

“I think he probably has higher expectations of me than of some other guys, but that comes with the territory. Any dad who’s also a coach is the same way. And that helps me to set a higher standard for myself.

“The main thing is that I try not to let the relationship affect me. It’s always there, of course, but I try to just go out and play.”

Younger brother Nick, in his first year on the varsity, agrees with Jake’s assessment.

“I really think my dad treats us the same as anyone else. It’s kind of hard sometimes because I try to play up to his expectations, but he doesn’t blur the lines between being a dad and being a coach. Sometimes it’s harder for him and for us, but it’s great to spend all this time doing something that we love.”

That’s Jake’s take on it as well.

“The best part is that we see him every day, get a chance to be around him. We’re pretty fortunate, because a lot of kids don’t get that.

“The hard part for any dad who’s coaching his kids is to treat them like everyone else. That makes it easier for everyone—just being fair.”