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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Respond to her goading with mild amusement



 (The Spokesman-Review)
Carolyn Hax The Washington Post

Carolyn: A co-worker set me up with my current boyfriend, whom she used to date. Now she heckles me at the water cooler: “So, how’s your booyyyfriiend?” and, “When are you getting married?” and, “Has he taken you to the zoo yet?” She still has a wax elephant on her desk from one of those machines from their field trip there a year ago. She dumped him, so I am wondering what her motivation is for doing this, and if there is some way to make her stop. I really do want to marry him someday, but I don’t really think it’s any of her business. And, where’s my wax elephant? – J.

Barely a day goes by where I don’t ask that question myself.

It could be the real problem here is that you’ve fallen for a guy who didn’t have the sense to dump this hyena. But, you love him, flaws and all, and that’s what counts.

Since you have hopes beyond the primate house, you probably should inoculate yourself against the water-cooler heckling, lest there be an unfortunate water-cooler-collides-with-co-worker’s-face “incident.”

Two suggestions. First, there’s the grown-up route – “You know, (Co-Worker), I’m grateful you introduced us, but it’s getting a little fifth-grade.”

Or, there’s the route that takes advantage of her behaving like a fifth-grader. Her motivation, far as I can tell, is to get a rise out of you, which means you can make her stop if you can stop rising. Easiest way might be to will yourself to find the whole thing amusing (and make your own wax elephant).

Hi Carolyn: I had two friends over to help me clean out my closet last weekend. (Very necessary, let me tell you.) They wanted to know if I had any “date clothes.” What are date clothes? If they are clothes you wear on a date, I don’t have any because I never go on dates. If they are clothes you need to get dates, maybe that’s why I don’t date.

I always thought it was because I was the kind of girl guys talked to about their girl problems. But now I’m a grown-up, or should be, and that answer is no longer satisfactory (if it ever was). Is there a way to say, “Yes, I’m the kind of girl you can date,” without sounding desperate? I am happy with my life – I’d just like to share it with someone and maybe get some pizza. – No “Date Clothes”

It took almost eight years, but it finally came: the real problem that can really be solved by really frivolous shoes.

“Date clothes” tell people you’re not just an interesting mind or a warm personality but also a physical being.

Actually, that’s too limiting (and hazardous, since it reads like justification for exposed thong underwear, when in fact there is no such thing). Even a great professional outfit should play to your physical strengths.

Ask your friends to take you shopping for clothes that make you look attractive. Then, let yourself feel pretty. Then, let that speak for you. Just make sure your friends’ taste doesn’t run to the desperate; minis with stilettos don’t just speak, they scream.