Date’s attention is too much too soon

Q: I’ve been dating this guy for two weeks, and he’s perfect – calls me all the time, sends me flowers at work, writes me romantic notes. On my birthday (after we had been dating a week) he gave me a beautiful bracelet and told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. In fact, he’s so wonderful that I’m starting to get a little creeped out. It’s all a bit too much. Do you think he’s for real?

Mia: That is some romantic overload he’s dumped on you. Take it from me: When something seems too good to be true, it probably is. If he can do all these over-the-top romantic things so quickly, how do you know he hasn’t done it with a lot of other women? I would at least slow down a little and get to know him before you fall for his sugar-coated bait.

Steve: Fast movers are often guilty of hit-and-run. Trust, but verify.

Q: About 10 years ago I had a fling that ended in pregnancy. My husband generously decided to raise the child as his. Now the biological father has decided he wants to be part of our daughter’s life. Neither my daughter nor my family knows the truth, but he says it’s time to tell people. What can I do?

Steve: Get a lawyer. If the biological father has neither supported financially nor established a relationship with your daughter before now, it’s possible he has no rights at all. When your daughter is older, tell her the truth, and let her decide if she wants to see him.

Mia: I don’t know what this guy’s rights are legally, but if he is the kid’s father, I think you have to at least discuss this with him. Maybe together you can figure out a way to wait a few years until your daughter is more mature and then introduce the two and tell her the truth.

Q: I’m a 35-year-old recently divorced mother of two, ages 10 (a boy) and 12 (a girl). I recently began dating and am in the awkward situation of getting cross-examined by my kids. My daughter, in particular, wants to know every detail of my dates. I am not sure just how much I should share. What do you suggest?

Steve: Children can feel threatened by a parent’s dating, so it’s good to reassure them. Let them know that they come first, but if anything turns serious with one of your beaus, you’ll share it with them. Other than telling them who you’re with and where you’re going, further details are not only unnecessary but also a bit creepy.

Mia: Ewww. The thought of my mom going on dates makes me want to throw up. Especially since she is still married to my dad. I’m sure your kids are equally scared, so I would try to keep your dating low-key and not introduce them to dates unless you get serious. As for details, I wouldn’t give too many out.