Time to make New Year’s resolutions

Dear Readers: Happy New Year! We hope you are healthy and content and haven’t made more resolutions than you can fulfill. We suspect the most common resolution is to lose weight. A faithful reader sent us this poem, and we hope it will amuse you. We don’t know the author, but we enjoyed the sentiment:

The Week After Christmas

‘Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,

I said to myself, as I only can

“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So – away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip,

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

‘Til all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie – not even a lick.

I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,

I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore -

But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!

Dear Annie: I am a disabled woman and the blessed owner/handler of a service dog. Brandy is specially trained to assist me. She can turn light switches on and off, open and close doors, pick things up and more. She also provides stability, as I have lost some balance due to a riding accident as a teen. Brandy goes everywhere with me, and many people ask questions. I usually don’t mind answering, but I have some suggestions for your readers:

Be polite. I am more inclined to answer your questions if you treat me as an equal and not as a side show oddity.

Please ask me if it’s OK before attempting to speak to or pet the dog. If I tell you “no,” please accept it graciously. My dog is working. While Brandy is trained to ignore you, even a moment’s inattention on the dog’s part can cause me injury. Please let my dog do her job without interference.

Do not ask Brandy to demonstrate her skills. She is there to assist me, not entertain you.

Please give us the room we need to safely negotiate stairs, elevators, aisles and so on.

Do not feed the dog.

Don’t ask personal questions about why I have a dog. It is rude to expect me to discuss my medical history with a stranger.

If I ignore you, please forgive me. It’s not personal, but I sometimes get tired.

Treat us as you would like to be treated. For many of us, our dogs have given us back some measure of normalcy and independence. Things are hard enough without being stared at, whispered about, pointed at and interrogated.

Thank you, Annie. – D.F. and Brandy in New Jersey

Dear D.F. and Brandy: You’re very welcome. Readers, take note.