Overcoming shyness takes practice, persistence
Q: I have a strange request: I need to improve my social skills. I’m not very good at conversation, especially with girls. I’m 36 and divorced for three years with a 9-year-old daughter. I go out to bars on the weekends with friends and we have a good time, but when it comes to approaching the opposite sex, I kind of get stuck. I’m a decent-looking guy and I can tell if a girl is interested in me, but I can’t approach them. I freeze. Please give me some tips to be more social and more outgoing.
Mia: I would try to meet women outside of bars; it might relax you more. Maybe you could join a book club, go to a wine-tasting or sign up for Spanish lessons – anything where you could meet women socially. And that way, you’ll have something to talk about.
Steve: There are self-help books for overcoming shyness, but the best solution is to put yourself into as many social situations as you can. Mia’s right about joining groups where you can meet women. That’s way better than a bar. I’ve always found women easier to talk to than men (women’s communication skills are more highly evolved). The more you talk to them, the easier it will be.
Q: My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about six months ago, mostly because he was immature and unreliable. We had a lot of fun together, but I could never count on him to show up when he was supposed to, he drank too much and he was stuck in a lousy job and wouldn’t do anything about it. Since we ended things, I haven’t really gone out with anyone else. Recently, I saw him at a party. He got all emotional and said he missed me, that he’d been wrong and that he wanted to change. Should I give him a second chance?
Steve: Immature people sometimes grow up. You don’t say how old he is, but if he’s in his early 20s, for example, he likely will mature. I’d keep him on a short leash, however.
Mia: He might change his spots some – his job, perhaps. But once a jerk, always a jerk, I say. (That whole romantic-comedy thing where a cad makes good like in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” is totally bogus in real life.)