Athletes should do without ‘For Real’

Every time I think I understand the logic of reality television, it mutates a little bit more.

At first, reality shows made celebrities out of ordinary folk. “Millionaire,” “Survivor,” “Average Joe” – new shows, new strangers, new instant celebrities.

Then MTV begat “The Osbournes,” and verily, we saw it was weird. Suddenly there was a gold rush, or at least a zircon-rush, of has-beens, up-and-comers and might-have-beens crowding our screen. Reality TV and a mediocre talent seemed made for each other.

No longer did we have to get to know the Rupert Bonehams of the world; celebrity-reality came with a ready-made recognition factor, shaped by hours of reading Us magazine or watching “True Hollywood Story.” Oh, it’s a pity that Herve Villechaize didn’t live to see all this.

So if reality TV provides a showcase of willing amateurs or a second chance for the Pauley Shores of the world, then what are two truly great athletes doing on “Venus & Serena: For Real” (10 p.m., Family)? That’s a question the Williams sisters should ask their agent just before firing him. Or her.

The good news is neither Venus nor Serena embarrass themselves on this reality show. The bad news is they are on a reality show.

“For Real” has a rushed, let’s-get-this-over-with quality to it. Venus and Serena are seen talking, or rather screaming, over the din of a crowded restaurant because that seems to be the only place the crew could catch them before they went off to practice, or hold a press conference, or any of the other 9 million things they do off-camera.

This being the ABC Family channel, “For Real” also has a patented Disney feel to it. The sisters are seen driving wacky in a golf cart, because that’s what all Disneyish starlets have to do.

One half-expects the golf cart to be possessed by the spirit of Herbie the Love Bug.

Sports greats occupy a special place in our pop-cultural pantheon, somewhere near the very top.

We would not have wanted to see a “reality” showcase with Lou Gehrig or Arnold Palmer. Those jocks, like Joe Namath, who went showbiz during their playing days only seemed to tarnish their reputation.

The Williams sisters will have decades of post-tennis life to succeed or fail on television. Just ask John McEnroe. But for the present, we’d rather see them perform on the court, where they still reign as tennis demigods.

“For Real” doesn’t tarnish them. It just knocks them off their pedestal and puts them in a golf cart.

Want more proof that “reality” television reduces the amazing to the mundane? Watch “Criss Angel Mindfreak” (10 p.m., A&E). In back-to-back episodes, the illusionist levitates himself and then sends a perfect stranger floating into the air. In the second installment, he turns himself into a human candle.

Slow and repetitive, “Mindfreak” turns these seemingly miraculous stunts into tedium. And the heavy-metal music and theatrics of “Mindfreak” left me with a headache.

The two-hour premiere of “So You Think You Can Dance?” (8 p.m., Fox) showcases 50 amateur dancers vying to work with some of world’s top choreographers. Produced by the creators of “American Idol.”

But can any of them dance like Evander Holyfield?

Other highlights

On back-to-back episodes of “Law & Order” (NBC), a con’s finale (9 p.m.), and curtains for a loose lawyer (10 p.m.).

An escape plot on “Brat Camp” (9 p.m., ABC).

“American Masters” (7 p.m., KSPS) profiles Bob Newhart.

A sleepwalker stumbles into trouble on “CSI: NY” (10 p.m., CBS).

Sawyer withholds medicine on “Lost” (10 p.m., ABC).

Cult choice

A groom disappears on a honeymoon cruise in the 1953 mystery “Dangerous Crossing” (5 p.m., Fox Movie Channel), starring Jeanne Crain, Michael Rennie and Carl Betz (“The Donna Reed Show).

Series notes

Tommy Hilfiger hosts “The Cut” (8 p.m., CBS) … Old clips on “The Most Outrageous Moments on Live TV” (8 p.m., NBC) … Four unruly kids on “Supernanny” (8 p.m., ABC) … On back-to-back episodes of “Eve” (UPN), getting even (8 p.m.), and intimidation (8:30 p.m.) … A late bachelor party on “One Tree Hill” (8 p.m., WB).

Tending bar on “King of Queens” (9:30 p.m., CBS) … A teacher wronged on “Veronica Mars” (9 p.m., UPN) … Lana’s assault on “Smallville” (9 p.m., WB) … Auditions and elimination on “Rockstar: INXS” (9 p.m., CBS).