Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened

Certain dates, such as when we got married, met someone special or lost someone we loved, stick with us forever.

As my wedding anniversary came last week, I wondered how we forget dates we don’t want to remember. Or is forgetting not even an option?

This would have been our 14th anniversary. I can’t think of anything more uncomfortable than spending your anniversary with your ex, who isn’t quite your ex yet. I found myself crying to a friend and saying, “I can’t believe I’m still married!”

Of course, that wasn’t my plan. I didn’t know I would lose my job or that we’d decide to live together again for financial reasons until our divorce was final. I feel like I already let the marriage go too long, and now we’re in the midst of this agonizing, not quite dead stage, where I just want to stick a fork in it. But that fork costs money, which is why finding a job means everything right now.

I know a year from now – hopefully just months – we will be officially divorced. But our anniversary date will remain in my head. I don’t believe it will be a sad thought, though; we are both better off.

Nevertheless, it’s still a date I’d rather have come and go without consideration. I know in time the better memories of what we shared will resurface.

Maybe that’s the key: to embrace the happenings in our life because each occurred for a reason, making us who we are today. And if I dig a little, some memories still make me smile.

I smile when I think of our first date in Coeur d’Alene. We danced the night away at the resort. It began to feel like more than friendship when we slow danced to Cher and Peter Cetera’s song “After All.”

We later made our way to the beach for that much anticipated first kiss. He had waited a long time!

We were just friends our last year of college, although he made his intentions known often. Each time he pushed for more, I’d remind him we were better off as friends. I enjoyed his company so much but just didn’t feel “it.” So when I saw him carrying a single rose down our dorm’s hallway on Valentine’s Day, I got a bit nervous. He sensed my apprehension and cut me off at the pass and said, “I know we’re just friends, but today is Valentine’s Day and whatever we are, you’re my valentine.”

My heart stopped.

I went to bed wishing that night that I could like him as more than a friend.

Fast forward a few months to our first date. We left school as friends, yet I found myself missing him more than others. Something changed during the time we were apart; the romantic seeds were planted. And when we finally kissed, it felt like we’d come full circle.

What better way to start off a relationship than as good friends?

Almost 16 years later with all the memories, I wonder if our circle can come back around.

Can a former love become a friend “After All”?

As I think back to better times, I don’t want to forget.

Maybe that’s why they stick in our minds forever. That way we won’t cry because it’s over, but smile because it happened.