Since nothing is going on, act that way

Dear Annie: Five years ago, I took a painting class. “Raymond,” the teacher, was exceptional, and the warm, supportive environment he created allowed me to have a breakthrough that changed not only how I felt about myself, but also about my ability to create art. I am eternally grateful to him.

A year after the class ended, I ran into Raymond at an art gallery. I was thrilled when he offered to look at some of my recent paintings. While at my house, however, he made a pass at me. I was shocked (he’s married), but I admit I allowed things to happen because I was so appreciative of his interest. We had five such meetings over the next two years, until I worked up the courage to end it. Raymond accepted my decision, but continued to stay in touch via phone and e-mail.

Over time, our contact dwindled to a phone call every few months. It was at this point that his wife, “Lorna,” discovered my existence. Raymond told her about our affair, and she called me. I made it very clear that the relationship had been a mistake, and I assured her I would not remain in contact with him. I have abided by that promise, as has he.

Here’s the problem: I would like to attend an upcoming art workshop where Raymond will be one of the teachers, but I’m sure Lorna will be there, too. How should I behave if I run into them? – Trying to Move On in New England

Dear Trying: It seems as if you’ve painted yourself right into a corner. If you insist on attending this particular workshop, you will need to conduct yourself as if nothing is going on – because nothing is. Politely say hello to Raymond and Lorna when you see them, and then keep right on moving.

Dear Annie: I am 14. In September, my brother left to go to college, and ever since, there has been no excitement at home. My brother was the clown of the house. He always made me laugh, and I miss him a lot.

I’m fine and full of energy at school, but as soon as I get home, I just look sad. My parents complain that I stay outside all the time, but I don’t get why they can’t figure out the reason. Every morning I wake up without my brother, it’s not a fun day. Can you help me be happy again, please? – Lonely Brother

Dear Brother: It’s tough when a sibling leaves home, but there are ways to adjust. First, don’t wait for your parents to figure it out. Tell them how you feel. Then, invite some friends over after school to play games, watch TV, whatever. Your brother isn’t so far away that you can’t IM or call, and before you know it, he’ll be home for spring break or summer vacation. This is your chance to be the center of attention at home. Try to appreciate the positives.

Dear Annie: Last Christmas, my friend “Sue” gave me a large chocolate cup and saucer from a rather exclusive chocolatier. The cup was filled with fine chocolates and coffee. I was quite excited, until I realized the chocolate was spoiled. I returned the gift to the chocolatier and was told it had been purchased two years ago.

I spent time and money picking out a special gift for Sue. I certainly don’t want her discards in return. I have not yet sent a thank-you note. How can I tactfully tell her that I no longer want to exchange gifts? – Bah Humbug in Oahu

Dear Humbug: First, please send the thank-you note. We are sure you do not want to be as inconsiderate as Sue. Then, when the holidays come around again, call Sue and say, “This year, instead of gifts, I’m going to make a donation in honor of my friends. I think you should do the same.” Then you won’t get her discards, and some worthy charity will be most grateful.