Send absent boyfriend funny e-mails
Q: My boyfriend is spending the next three months in Europe for work, and I won’t be able to visit him. How can I keep romance alive via phone and e-mail?
Mia: Be creative! Send him funny e-mails to let him know you’re thinking about him. You could even send him an old-fashioned love letter in the mail. And don’t underestimate the power of phone sex.
Steve: A love letter? I didn’t think the Internet generation knew such a thing existed. Great idea, Mia.
Q: I am a 23-year-old with a crush on a 31-year-old man with whom I occasionally work. We have a particularly friendly relationship outside the office, but attempts on his part to take it to the next level have been feeble at best. I am not intimidated by the age difference, but how do I know if he wants more or simply sees himself as an older brother figure?
Steve: First, let me repeat my caution against romancing people you work with. You can end up fouling two nests at once. Having said that, you might try flirting and see how he responds. For inspiration, rent the DVD of “To Have and Have Not” and watch 19-year-old Lauren Bacall come on to 45-year-old Humphrey Bogart.
Mia: I would propose a date activity, like going to dinner on a Friday night, and see how he reacts. If he’s in, then you’re on the right track. If he seems confused or troubled, you can backtrack and say, “Oh, it’s a big group dinner with a bunch of friends, nothing serious.” That way you’ll have an out.
Q: My husband and I are Jewish. He says that, according to the Torah, a married Jewish man isn’t violating the commandment against adultery if he has relations with an unmarried Jewish woman. Adultery only applies if the woman is married. Is this correct? Does it mean any Jewish man is free to philander?
Steve: If that were true, can you imagine the interest in conversion? Talk about a Jewish revival! Your husband is technically correct. That is how the ancient Jews understood that commandment. Women were viewed as property and that commandment was about property rights, not sex. Keep in mind, ancient Jews also had multiple wives.
Times have changed both in the acceptable number of wives and in how women are viewed. Bottom line: Both Jewish and Christian traditions have evolved over the centuries. The prohibition against adultery now includes all sex outside of marriage. Tell hubby that unless he acquires a time machine, he must obey the modern interpretation.
Mia: This is stupid male logic. Husbands shouldn’t cheat. End of story.
Q: I’ve been married for 20 years, and I’m pretty happy except for one thing: My husband stares at attractive women when he’s with me and it drives me crazy. I’ve told him a few times that it is insulting to me, but he doesn’t stop. What do you suggest?
Steve: If you’re pretty happy, I’d suggest this thought from an earlier advice columnist, Benjamin Franklin: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”
Mia: Staring at women is nothing but a knee-jerk reaction for men. It doesn’t mean anything. So I would try to let it go.