Their weight problem not your business
Dear Annie: I’m the mother-in-law. I’m very frustrated and disturbed over the huge amount of weight that my daughter-in-law has gained. She started married life as a trim size 8 and is now a plus, plus, plus size. Likewise, my granddaughter, who was tiny as a small child, has turned into a heavyweight freshman in high school. At the same time, my son is of normal weight and has kept himself in good shape.
I worry about these members of my family, but they refuse to discuss it. My daughter-in-law and granddaughter are wonderful people, but their health is important to me, and they just keep getting bigger and bigger.
It has not helped to give them exercise equipment, books or videos on weight and exercise. Is there a single thing I can do to help? – Frustrated Grandma
Dear Grandma: Yes. Back off. Your daughter-in-law doesn’t need you to point out how much she weighs. She already knows. Try to love and appreciate your daughter-in-law and your granddaughter for the wonderful people they are, and let them work on their weight when they are ready. We know you care about their health, but your disapproval does more harm than good. Bite your tongue, even if it kills you. Your restraint will be appreciated.
Dear Annie: Our son has been divorced for four years. We have tried to keep in contact with our ex-daughter-in-law and two grandsons via cards, letters, etc., and although they cash our birthday and holiday checks, we never receive a reply. Our daughter also has tried to call the boys, but their mother hangs up. At the time of the divorce, she said we no longer had grandsons.
It has been so devastating for us, as we had no part in the divorce and would love to keep in touch with the boys and their mother. We live in Washington, and we have found that we have no grandparental rights here. Should we keep trying to contact them? – Gary and Jan
Dear Gary and Jan: Yes, you should try to keep in touch. The boys may have no idea that you are writing and calling, and they should not be punished if their mother is being vindictive. Someday, it will be important for them to know that their paternal grandparents never gave up on them.
Most experts suggest first trying to establish contact through a third-party mediator (mutual friends, clergy, counselors). If that doesn’t work, you can talk to a family law attorney. You may not have specific rights now, but that could change.
For more information, look into the Grandparents Rights Organization (grandparentsrights.org), 100 W. Long Lake Rd., Suite 250, Bloomfield Hills, MI 48304. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I would like to comment on the letter from “Need a Break in Virginia,” who has a neighbor who calls constantly about his health problems.
I befriended a neighbor who had been rejected by everyone else. I thought perhaps I could help her, but she began to call constantly and would talk endlessly and randomly about her many problems. Things got worse when I recently married. The constant calls did not amuse my wife, especially when I was at work and she was stuck at home listening to this neighbor.
We finally invested in an additional service from our phone company that allows us to block calls from any numbers we choose, with a polite message about the unavailability of the number called. It has been three months now, and we haven’t had a single call from her. What a difference in the quality of our lives! That service was one of the best investments I’ve ever made. – No Longer Pretending in Montreal
Dear Montreal: Several readers suggested having the neighbor’s phone number blocked. It’s a smart idea, and we wish our brains had been in gear and we’d remembered this was available. That’s why we count on readers like you. Thanks.