Recently I wrote that no matter the situation, no matter the circumstance, it is never a rape victim’s fault, not even if she got drunk and naked at a fraternity house or bar. I wrote for a variety of reasons.

I wanted to highlight the absurdity of casting blame on a victim for having been attacked, lash out at the unfair “stigma” some spend a lifetime trying to shake, and to reassure those who have been violated.

And I wanted to raise the bar for men. Too often in this discussion, the rapist pretends he couldn’t help himself because she was “asking for it” or because he thought no really meant yes. The tide of rape can’t be beaten back until men – real men – hold one another more accountable.

I thought the point was irrefutable, and most readers got it. I heard from countless men who said it was about time somebody said it out loud.

But not everyone responded that way. One anonymous letter writer clipped the column, titled “Rape victims, it’s not your fault,” and sent it to me with a note attached: “Is, too!”

Another reader said the column was good until the part about women who get drunk.

“Any woman or man that gets that drunk and naked in a bar or any place else deserves what they get,” the e-mail read. “Decent people do not get drunk and naked.”

I wrote back, asking if that meant it was OK for men to rape in some situations. I’m waiting on an answer.

I don’t know why I bothered asking. If there’s even a doubt in your mind – if you don’t fully believe that a woman who makes a poor decision doesn’t deserve to be raped – it’s a waste of time trying to engage you in meaningful conversation.

If you want to tell me that the bar also has to be raised on women’s behavior, or that women must make smart choices to protect themselves, or that they should avoid situations where there’s even a hint of mixed signals, we can talk. If you want to tell me that girls must be taught that sex isn’t a play toy, that it could be powerfully good or powerfully dangerous, we can talk.

Victim advocate Linda Snelling has said she’s had to tell 16-year-old girls – those who thought being attacked by a boyfriend was evidence of love – to either take charge of their lives or begin writing their own obituary so she won’t have to later. I get that message. I understand the need for that.

But if you want to tell me that a man ever has a right to put his hands on someone’s daughter against her will, don’t bother. Because I won’t listen. And neither should any one else.