Q: I am friends with a guy who, whenever I think of him, makes me want to film loads of porn with him and do it in public places. What should I make of my feelings? Is it love or lust?
Steve: Lust, for sure; love, maybe. As for filming yourself, don’t do it unless you don’t care who sees you. Since you want to do it in public places, you may be OK with that. Finally, the Beatles notwithstanding, the correct answer to “Why don’t we do it in the road?” is “No.” Lewd behavior in public can land you in jail.
Mia: It’s just lust with a capital L, babe. And there’s nothing wrong with acting on it if you’re safe about it. But choose your public places carefully.
Q: I’m getting married in August and am trying to finish up the wedding plans. There’s just one hitch, if you will: My father hates my fiance. I’m not sure why, but I’m terrified he won’t behave himself at the reception. How can I make peace between them?
Mia: Well, dads are never going to love the guy who takes their little girl away. Maybe your father is just taking out his feelings about losing you on this guy. Perhaps the two of you should watch “Father of the Bride” together (Spencer Tracy, not Steve Martin). He might loosen up and realize he’s being silly.
Steve: Or you could watch “Sleeping with the Enemy.” Wait! Bad idea. Better idea: Assign your cutest bridesmaid to sit next to and chat with your dad during the reception. He’ll forget all about Mr. Right.
Q: I’ve been married for 11 years. For the past couple of years, I’ve been wondering if this is all there is. I get no love and affection from my wife and I feel like something is missing from my life. My friends say I need to go to church more often. Some say that’s just how things are. But if things don’t change soon, I see myself straying.
Steve: Let’s take these one at a time: Church is fine but not a direct solution to your problem; it’s not just how things are unless you accept them that way; straying is not a solution, either. What is? Talking to your wife. Find out why she lost affection. Seek counseling together. Any decision about the future of your marriage should be made in partnership with your wife.
Mia: Well, if you’re getting no love and affection, then something is missing from your life. So the question is how to deal with it? Is there a reason your wife has withdrawn from you? Maybe she’s dealing with depression or changes in her libido. The two of you should talk about this.
Q: A married couple who are close friends of ours recently posted their profiles on one of those matchmaker Web sites just to see how compatible they are. Here’s the crazy part: The site showed they weren’t very compatible at all, and now they want a divorce. I really don’t want to see this happen or lose their friendship. What do you suggest?
Mia: Tell them to snap out of it. There are no compatibility tests that explain why some couples work and some don’t. Love is unexplainable. Look at all the weird couples that stick together – hell, Demi and Ashton are even having a baby. So your friends shouldn’t worry about some silly quiz.
Steve: They want to break up because of what a Web site says? There’s something missing here. Like lovers on the side.
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