Crime of one often splits family apart
Dear Annie: Last year, after 16 years of severe sexual abuse, I had my biological father arrested. I felt liberated, but my older siblings are hostile toward me for turning him in. No one in my family knew the abuse was going on, so it came as a complete shock to them.
Why can’t they understand that their father is a monster and essentially killed me internally? My oldest sister even tried bribing me with $500 in cash to see if I would drop the charges.
What bugs me the most is how my siblings still spend time with my father as if nothing ever happened. They even bring their kids to visit him at his home since he posted bail. Please tell me what I’m supposed to do. Why can’t they see what this man really is? – Teen in Need
Dear Teen: We’re sure it took a lot for you to come forward. However, accusing a family member of abuse often creates a rift, and for some, it is easier to discredit the charges than grapple with the fallout. Have you had counseling? Your counselor can work on ways to help you deal with your siblings and the choices they have made regarding your father. If you do not have a counselor, contact RAINN (rainn.org) at (800) 656-HOPE and ask for assistance.
Dear Annie: My wife and I have three wonderful grandchildren whom we dote on. They spend weekends, vacations and summers with us. It has always been our dream to be able to take them to Disneyland. We have been saving for this, and the grandchildren have been helping us save, for the last 10 years.
Our daughter recently remarried, and her new husband has two children he sees on weekends and holidays. We were told that we now have five grandchildren and have done our best to include the two new ones on holidays and in other activities.
However, now that we are finalizing our trip to Disneyland, our daughter has hinted strongly that we need to include her stepchildren. My wife is very upset, since we really can’t afford to add two more children right now. This would delay the trip a few more years unless we dip into our retirement savings, which we’d rather not. Our oldest granddaughter will be 14 soon, and we are concerned that if we wait much longer, she will not want to make the trip with us.
What should we do? – Grampa in Arizona
Dear Grampa: It is understandable that your daughter wants her new stepchildren to be included in this family excursion, and while that is a lovely idea, it is unfair to insist that you do so. You have known them only a short time, and you and your grandchildren have been saving 10 years for this trip. More importantly, taking five children is asking for trouble. The adult-child ratio is too unbalanced.
Tell your daughter you will be happy to take along her stepchildren, provided she pays for their expenses and another adult comes along to help supervise. If she refuses, say, “Sorry, but we simply cannot manage more than three children.” Stick to your guns, Grampa. You are being plenty generous as it is.
Dear Annie: In response to those concerned with excess hair – c’mon, folks, it’s not rocket science. Many manufacturers sell ear and nose hair trimmers that are powered by one AA battery. I bought mine for less than $20. As far as I see, there are no acceptable excuses for excess nasal or ear hair, so quit complaining and get clipping. P.S.: There’s also nothing wrong with sagging breasts and wrinkles. At our age, we all have them. – Hairless 65 in Lancaster, Calif.
Dear Hairless: We were deluged with mail from men citing every brand of trimmer available. We want to thank everyone who wrote and made it clear that there is no reason to look like Cousin It. You really came through for us.