Job offer means ethics run both ways

This week, we try something a little different and dip into the reader mailbag:

Dear Tim: Recently, our daughter (a college junior) was offered an internship with a local company. In the interim, a better offer has come forward. Is it unethical to accept a new job when you have barely started the first one? Please advise.

Dear reader: Yes, I think it’s unethical. A commitment is a commitment. You would find the company outrageous if they reneged on the offer to your daughter. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, and all that. Too many employers expect loyalty from employees and don’t repay it. The opposite happens, too. We need to revive the day when one’s word in the workplace on everything from pension obligations to honoring internship commitments is sacred.

Dear Tim: My boss has put out an e-mail request to join him in a charity run or to simply donate to help. I already have charities I donate to and don’t have a particular fondness for his favorite. I’m concerned not participating or donating will have repercussions on the job. Responses to join him or donate are going back and forth on e-mails to the whole group, so everyone can see each person’s reaction or donation. What is your advice?

Dear Reader: The request and the e-mail approach are inappropriate and the boss should be gently told that, perhaps by placing this column on his desk. However, I would not ascribe bad motives to the boss. This kind of subtle pressure is sometimes intentional bullying, but more often it is a case of the boss simply not having any idea someone could see this as anything but a wonderful opportunity to help an exceptional cause.

I remember years ago my company was involved with the United Way, and I actively contributed to soliciting participation. I was jolted when I discovered not everyone loved the United Way. I began to realize the uncomfortable pressure we were putting on employees. I remain committed to United Way, but I understand I can’t force that appreciation on others.

I find it acceptable for the boss to invite participation, but he should actively discourage a public forum that keeps track of involvement. That subjects people to potential humiliation and it increases the perception of strong-arming. The boss should distance himself from any appearance he is “checking” on people. And, the best solution is for bosses to encourage volunteerism, but leave specific choices to employees.

Dear Tim: The difficult issue is, if it isn’t the boss’ idea the issue sits idle until the situation is “ripe” to fit your idea into the concept. At that point it becomes the boss’ idea and everything is “great” about the idea! I am not so concerned about who gets the credit; I am worried this squashes the creativity of the staff. In the end, if your comments fit the boss’ agenda, it is a great idea. If it doesn’t, the idea is stomped dead!

Dear Reader: This behavior is perpetrated by two kinds of people. The first is the petty, petulant boss who demands all credit and strokes his insecure ego by quashing everybody else’s ideas. The second perpetrator is not as mean-spirited, but just as damaging. He is narrow in his thinking and because of the strict parameters set by his boss, or the limits of his own creativity, he is convinced solutions to all problems exist inside a very small box. Adventurous ideas send him into a job-security-driven panic.

One way to deal with the second person is to frequently urge the boss to declare his goals and ask if there are any solutions that might be prohibited by policy or procedures. That should define a playing field in which every employee can participate.

Tip for your search: This is a crucial tip, but extremely difficult for all of us. Try not to assume the worst about other people. Do not ascribe terrible motives to everything people do. Cut them the same slack you would want them to cut for you.

Resource for your search: “The Answer to How is Yes,” by Peter Block (Berrett-Koehler, 2003)