It depends how you frame it

Dear Miss Manners: I am a single woman without children. Two years ago, I was very upset because I had just broken off a relationship of two years that I thought was headed for marriage.

Shortly after that, I turned 38, and as a birthday present, my sister (who is married with four kids) gave me a picture frame that said “family.” I was offended but didn’t tell her anything and exchanged the frame for something else.

This year, I am still single and turned 40. For my birthday, my sister gave me a picture frame that says: “Love is what binds us together… FAMILY.”

I know my sister means well in giving me these gifts, but I find them offensive. Is it just me?

Gentle Reader: You do have a family. You just told Miss Manners that you have a sister and a brother-in-law and four nieces and/or nephews.

Is it not remotely possible that this is her way of reminding you that she and her brood are your family and that they love you?

You can test this out by asking for a picture of them to put in the frame.

If your sister seems pleased, then yes, you were being overly sensitive. If she chuckles and says that’s not what the frame is for, Miss Manners will concede and allow you to add to your thanks that you will put it away in case you ever need it.

Dear Miss Manners: My neighbor’s daughter sent me a college graduation announcement. In fact, I am pretty sure she sent one to half of the block.

To be honest with you, we have lived in our house for only four years, and she was away at college most of the time. We have interacted about five times, and she has never been anything but rude.

Are we expected to send a gift or check because she sent an announcement? I think that would be rather presumptuous of her.

Are announcements just announcements? Or is something expected in return?

Gentle Reader: Whether the presumptions you and the neighbors are making about each other – yours that they are trolling for presents and perhaps theirs that you have to comply – are correct or not, Miss Manners cannot say. But your presumption about the etiquette of the situation is incorrect.

An announcement is just an announcement. It is not a bill.

The something that should be made in return is a note of congratulations.