Group effort
Single baby boomers just can’t seem to catch a break. When it comes to meeting people, bars lost their appeal a long time ago, and Internet services can be untrustworthy and distant – so what’s a single baby boomer to do?
Why, join Seasoned and Single, of course.
Seasoned and Single is a local singles group for anyone 45 or older. The group is not a matchmaking service but focuses on providing an environment for members to learn about themselves, learn new social skills, make new friends, and perhaps even find a relationship. Informative seminars, monthly dinners, and a lot of fun make the group worth it for its roughly 75 members.
Coeur d’Alene’s Kathleen Lamanna, a 62-year-old relationship coach, and Spokane’s Roy Mitchell, 59, founded the group three years ago. From her own experience as a professional matchmaker and as a single woman trying to re-enter the dating world, Lamanna saw a need for a fun, educational social group geared toward older citizens. The two are joined by Jackie Gedeik, a 60 year-old English psychotherapist. She is, as Lamanna put its, the “token married woman!”
At the group’s occasional seminars, Lamanna, Mitchell and Gedeik present information baby boomers might not find elsewhere about re-entering the social world. Their efforts are popular among group members.
“Most of us are either widowed or divorced and have been out of the dating scene for years, ” says Roger Spence, 63. “(The seminars are) very educational and informative, good practical advice.”
Another member, Geri Totey, 63, adds, “They are truly wonderful individuals. They are there to lead us, but they’re (also) there for us to lean on, to ask questions, to get directions, to talk about anything.”
Lamanna’s presentations teach rejection techniques and what she calls “Deal Maker/Deal Breaker lists” – attributes you hope to find in a potential partner. Gedeik teaches about Internet dating, confronting personal baggage, setting boundaries, sexuality and stress-reduction techniques.
“You talk about death and taxes, (but) the one constant in life is change. And change, even if you’re ready for it and welcome it, is scary,” Gedeik says. “If you can learn some immediate, effective stress-reduction techniques that you carry with you … as you start dating, it makes for better communication.”
Mitchell brings balance to the group.
“I represent the male viewpoint,” he says. Taking the men aside, Mitchell asks them what they think women want and helps lead the frank, candid discussions once the groups come back together. Mitchell also “acts as a sounding board for some of the females” wondering about the male perspective.
Throughout the seminar experience, the three strive to create an open, welcoming atmosphere. The group is “not a meat market,” says Lamanna. “We deliberately set it up to be a nonthreatening, caring, safe, fun environment.”
Part of creating that environment is providing fun and merriment. Mitchell and Lamanna put on skits to highlight their presentations. The October seminar will feature a new skit, based on Dave Barry’s comedy, about the differences in how men and women think. These skits, according to member Cathy Coyle, 60, are “just a riot.”
Apart from the seminars, members benefit from hayrides, bike rides, Mitchell’s group auto lessons and musical chairs dinners. About 30 members attend these four-course meals each month, pairing up with a new person each course.
“That way,” says Spence, “you get to meet and talk to at least four different people in one evening. It’s a good way to start socializing again.”
Spence lost his wife of almost 40 years to cancer in July 2003 and took her death hard.
“I pretty much sat on my butt for two years, or close to it,” he says.
In early 2005, he saw an ad for Seasoned and Single and attended a seminar. That May, at a musical chairs dinner, he met Coyle. They started dating in December and are still delighted by how much they have in common. In one fun coincidence, they once almost bought property on the same block. “We were almost neighbors!” Coyle says.
Coyle didn’t expect to find a relationship when she joined Seasoned and Single.
“I must have left the door open just a little bit for the possibility of romance, but I really didn’t have high hopes,” she says. “I went just as a social event, and… because Kathleen was my good friend.”
“Many people in the group would agree that friendship comes first,” she adds, “and if something more happens, that’s just icing on the cake.”
Spence agrees. “Frankly, I had a good marriage, and I just didn’t figure I ever stood a chance of getting that lucky twice in one lifetime.”
Totey agrees. She did join the group looking for romance, and may have found it, but it’s not the only thing she’s found.
“I feel they like they’re another family,” she says of her group friends. “We have fun, there’s a lot of laughter. There’s nothing phony about this group. It’s just a nice, down-to-earth group.”