Spokane’s top doc gets personal shopper: Do you buy it?
This may come as a surprise. But underneath this pale and wise-assish exterior lurks a saintly Mother Teresa sort of humanitarian who is always looking for a worthy cause to exploit.
Today I have found that cause.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at Dr. Kim Thorburn’s new personal shopper.
Thorburn is the director of the Spokane Regional Health District. She has allowed me to give her a fashion makeover that will hopefully save her job.
Poor Kim.
It isn’t enough to earn the respect of the public and your peers, it seems.
Thorburn is an excellent leader. She is devoted to the cause of public health.
Fact: In the nine years she’s held her position I haven’t come down with ebola, rabies, crabs, kennel cough or distemper.
But nitpicking nincompoops on the local Board of Health have graded Thorburn poorly for alleged flaws that include – if you can believe it – her wardrobe.
“Dresses in California casual attire that does not illustrate professionalism the job demands,” wrote a detractor in a Health Board evaluation released recently in response to a Spokesman-Review records request.
When I think of California casual I flash back to Jerry Garcia rocking out in a psychedelic, tie-dyed T-shirt.
Another snarky comment, this one from a Health District employee, went even further.
“For more visible appointments in the public eye, I feel Dr. K could benefit from a ‘personal shopper’ service at one of Spokane’s higher end clothing stores,” it read.
As silly as this sounds there is some real venom out there for Thorburn. Critics claim she’s arrogant and politically biased. Thorburn has clashed in the past with Republican County Commissioner Mark Richard, who said in Board of Health meeting minutes that she “exercises poor judgment and borders on insubordination.”
Aw, Richard’s just sore that Thorburn doesn’t follow commission protocol and roll over for any developer that comes along.
It would be laughable were it not so serious. John Roskelley, a former commissioner who’s a Democrat, was quoted in a news story saying that Thorburn is “in danger of losing her job.”
Well, not while fashion icon Dougie Illfinger is around.
Monday morning I flounced into Thorburn’s office without even bothering to make an appointment. After a bit of chit-chat the good doctor not only accepted my offer, but gave me her wardrobe sizes.
I know. I’m as stunned as you are.
Here’s the plan: I’ll pick up several image-elevating outfits. Then we’ll arrange a time for Thorburn to give them a test drive at the Public Health Building.
COLUMN INTERRUPTION: Speaking of lousy style, is there a more unappealing structure in Spokane than our bulbous beige-bricked health headquarters? It’s difficult to accept that the historic Rookery Building is facing the wrecking ball yet this architectural atrocity is allowed to stand. There is no justice.
You skeptics probably wonder what qualifies me to be the personal shopper for this important woman who not only oversees the region’s health, but chairs the Washington State Board of Health.
A couple of reasons:
1. I write three columns a week. That takes about six hours. (Even less when I skip the spell check.) Do the math. Either I find some additional ways to fill my time or I drop dead of boredom.
2. As I write these words I am dressed in the following: Trademark trailer cap. Loose red-and-gray shirt adorned with Elvis photographs. Blue jeans. Green Converse All Star sneakers (high tops).
“I’d call that Hillyard casual,” noted one of my co-workers.
Some people wouldn’t know a fashion trendsetter if he grabbed them by the neck and clubbed them over the head with a Manolo Blahnik logging boot.
OK. Enough blather. It’s time to hit the fashion houses.
Your California dreaming days are over, Kim. When I finish working my magic, you’ll look sharper than a fresh inoculation needle in a bird flu pandemic.