Apology may end silent treatment

Dear Annie: My sister, “Lana,” and I are about to “celebrate” a year of not speaking to each other. We’re both adults with children of our own, but we had a fight that resulted in a phone hang-up, and then it spilled over to her wedding. It has now snowballed, and at family events she won’t even look at me.

Lana refuses to acknowledge her part in all this and is insistent that I should have apologized on her wedding day. I disagree, but in the end, it really doesn’t matter. Nothing can change what’s already happened.

It has gotten so bad between us that we can no longer be in the same room together. Lana doesn’t hide her feelings in front of her children or mine and has made it clear she may forgive me, but she’ll never forget. I’m still not willing to grovel, which I believe is what she wants.

Is there any way to resolve things, or at least get Lana to control herself in front of the children? – Lisette

Dear Lisette: Are you willing never to speak to your sister again? This is where you’re headed. It seems a steep price to pay for a disagreement, no matter how bad. Some of this is surely your fault, so we want you to swallow your pride and sincerely apologize to Lana for your part in the fight. Tell her you miss her friendship and want your children to be close. It would be nice if Lana did the same, but she sounds just as stubborn as you. However, you cared enough to write to us for help, so we believe you can be the bigger person. Please try.

Dear Annie: My son died Tuesday. He didn’t have to, but alcohol attached itself to him and he couldn’t let go. I pleaded, begged, threatened, to no avail. My talented son said, “I’m the only one being hurt by it.” How wrong he was.

I loved my son, and so did his sister. We are both heartbroken. His best friend is devastated. Our neighbors, who enjoyed his company, are in shock. The children who looked up to him are asking why this happened.

The way alcohol destroys the body is slow and torturous, both for you and those who love and care for you. My sadness is addressed to those who drink. Please think of the people around you. Seek assistance before alcohol does to you what it did to my son. If my letter affects one person positively, the pain of writing will have made it worthwhile. – Mourning Mother in Camarillo, Calif.

Dear Mourning: For some, addiction can be too much to overcome. We send our heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Please know your letter will help someone today.