Masseuse also a ‘rhyming storyteller’
Sometimes the work of a dedicated correspondent requires field research to really get in touch with a subject. In this case, the subject had to get in touch with the correspondent to demonstrate her magic hands. Hilma “Volcano” Volk works the crowds as a cowboy poet. As a masseuse, she works the backs of satisfied customers to the point of ultimate relaxation. I now speak from experience.
After earning a bachelor’s degree from Michigan State University, Volk worked for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service for 8 1/2 years, where she “pushed pencils over mounds of government reports about the wildlife we’d be managing if we didn’t have so much paperwork.” Training horses and helping neighbors harvest hay and herd cattle, she got the motivation to leave her government job and start a riding stable, but the high cost of liability insurance spoiled that plan. Numerous “manure jobs” around the country encouraged her to find a new career as a massage therapist.
Volk published “Manure Happens,” a book of her cowboy poetry where such witticisms as “If at first you succeed, it’s a fluke,” are found. She is also a freelance video scriptwriter, performs at cowboy poetry gatherings and operates two Web sites, www.cdamassage.com/ and www.manurehappens.com.
In her spare time, Volk hikes the great Northwest. She has fond memories of a little hike on which she backpacked solo through the Rockies from the Canadian border to New Mexico. It was on that trip that she coined the phrase, “You know your feet are sore when you step in cow pies ‘cause they’re soft.”
What is your job title? “Massage therapist.”
How long have you been doing this? “Fifteen years for massage, (16 years for cowboy poetry).”
How did you choose this line of work? “I’ve always liked giving massages and getting them. It was sort of a midlife thing. I was working in charge of the horses at a guest ranch (mostly a fly-fishing ranch) in Montana and figured I couldn’t do that forever. After the season was over I went to massage school in Eugene, Ore. Then back to the ranch for the summer where I was in charge of horses during the day and did massage in the evening. During the winter I had my own massage business in Jackson, Wyo. Cowboy poetry isn’t exactly a line of work. I started after watching Baxter Black on “The Tonight Show.” I write my own stuff and used to practice a lot. I did travel quite a bit with it, but I haven’t done much at all in the last few years. I worked at the spa at the Coeur d’Alene Resort for the last eight years and because almost every event was on weekends, I was on a pretty short leash.”
Are you paid: (a) well; (b) more than you are worth; (c) slave wages, (d) could be better? “I did OK at the resort. Now that I’m on my own, I get paid as I work. I have a few outside clients that I’ve had since before working at the resort, but I hadn’t been recruiting until now. But I’m good at what I do. I’ve worked on a lot of people who’ve had a lot of massages, and I’ve frequently been told I’m the best they’ve ever had. Cowboy poetry I mostly worked for food (dinner shows). I do want to find another title for the genre. I’m really a rhyming storyteller. I also do a little ventriloquism with a dog puppet.”
What is the best thing about your job? “The ‘applause,’ if you will. Sometimes I don’t hear it until months later, when someone will tell me that after their massage the tennis elbow was gone and never came back, or that I stopped a migraine. When I was in Jackson I worked on a fellow with a rotator problem that was ruining his golf game. He was considering surgery because his knee operation had gone so well. I personally knew people whose shoulder surgeries made them worse off. His employees had bought him and his wife massages. The wife didn’t want hers so I suggested he use both. Afterward he had complete range of motion but I had no clue how long that would last. Several months later he called because he was all stiff from an 85-mile snowmobile trip. His shoulder was still doing fine. Unfortunately you can’t fix everything. One person you can make the back pain go away. Another, perhaps hardly at all. Now that I’m on my own, I have a lot of flexibility. This (years’) was the first Memorial Day weekend I had off and I camped with a group up in Canada. I’ve been able to hike and paddle on weekends with the clubs I belong to. June 18, I paddled in the Spokane River Canoe Classic (in my hybrid kayak). I’m having fun. The poetry I get a kick out of the performing. I tend to be reserved, but give me a microphone and, hey, I’m golden.”
What is the worst thing about your job? “I travel to homes and businesses, so there’s travel and carrying your massage table and other equipment. There’s also some uncertainty about my schedule. But that’s OK.”
Do you plan on doing this job (a) until retirement; (b) until something better comes along? “I’ll probably always do massage to some extent. Hopefully I’ll do some more performing. I’ve got things going on the Internet, some things which generate income, some are more hobby stuff. It’s started to bring in enough to meet my expenses. I spend a lot of time on the computer. Anything else I get will be on the Internet.”
Do you have any on-the-job funny stories? “When I was in Jackson I got a call to massage one man and five guys answered the door of a hotel room. I felt more comfortable after they explained they were on military leave. I set up the massage table in the only space available, which was in front of the large TV. The other four sat on the beds watching both the television and me working. Finally they got bored and went out to the hot tub. Also in Jackson, I was working on a man whose girlfriend had bought an hour and a half massage. She was in the next room. As I massaged he fell asleep and was dreaming. He kept muttering incoherently while moving all around in his sleep. Very weird to work on a person in motion. Occasionally people say strange things. At the resort, a woman from Michigan said she had to get to a store to buy Idaho potatoes to give to her friends back home.”
Any bad experiences? “Fortunately not horrible. Before I worked at the resort and was working on my own in Coeur d’Alene, I could weed out on the phone any who had other intentions. Plus, since I don’t dress or look like a bimbo, I never had trouble that way. Once I got a call and the address was a shack. I kept knocking on the door. Finally, a guy answered and said he didn’t order a massage. At the same time a florist arrived with a big bouquet. He hadn’t ordered flowers, either. Someone was playing a trick.”
If there was a movie made about you and your job, what actor should play you? “There’s no plot. Yawn.”