First visit serves as course in NYC 101

A word of advice: If you want friendly treatment in New York City, go there with a beautiful woman. My friend Tara had never been to the Big Apple, so for Mother’s Day this year her husband Chris gave her a ticket to a place she’s been trying to get to since ninth grade.

“One of my friends and I had a plan that we were going to move there,” she told me at the airport. “Everyone in the world wants to go to New York City.”

I tagged along on Tara’s trip to compile a New York guide for beginners, and I’m here to report that the town couldn’t have been happier to see her.

No fewer than three locals – all men, mind you – volunteered subway assistance over the course of our visit.

“Everyone’s really nice here – the waiters, the people in the street,” Tara said. “People smile and say, ‘Excuse me.’ “

Note to Tara: Have you seen yourself?

Not only was this Tara’s first visit to New York, it was one of her first vacations from full-time motherhood. On the morning after our arrival, she sat up in bed and, looking a bit bewildered, said: “No one’s asking me for anything.”

She shook it off, though, and we set out to do all the things first-time visitors should do.

Her 6-year-old son Trevor is in the midst of his King Kong period so the Empire State Building was high on our list. But we started with a stroll through Central Park to Tavern on the Green.

The park got mixed reviews. “It’s very grand and beautiful,” Tara said, “but it does sort of smell like horse crap.”

Tavern on the Green, a Victorian Gothic structure originally built in 1870 and repeatedly renovated since, also proved somewhat disappointing.

“The Kennedy clan should be here,” Tara said, searching hopefully, “but they’re not.”

Nevertheless, our waitress, Margarita Vargas – who, with a mere eight years’ service, considers herself “a baby” in comparison to her co-workers, a staff that includes an 85-year-old banquet waiter with 40 years under his belt – said Tavern on the Green is a must for tourists.

“This place has history, movies, celebrities,” she said. “It’s gorgeous.”

It also has the “Menagerie of Topiaries,” an attraction created in 1993 by the team from the movie “Edward Scissorhands.” A shrubbery King Kong loomed over our table, no doubt a reminder of young Trevor, waiting patiently back home for our giant ape report.

Set back on course, we eventually made it to the Empire State Building, where security guard Amrudin Ally gave us his tourist recommendations.

“Some people live here 15 or 20 years and never go up there,” he said. “But it’s so beautiful, especially when the city lights are up. It’s like candlelight.

“First-time visitors should come here, go to Rockefeller Plaza and the Statue of Liberty.”

We got additional counsel from my cousin Trevor (not Tara’s son Trevor – try to keep that straight) and his wife, Sara, who moved to New York in 2001.

They also suggested the Statue of Liberty – from the deck of the Staten Island Ferry.

“It’s the cheapest way to see it. The ferry is free,” Sara said. “But Times Square is overrated. Just drive by there in a cab.”

Trevor thinks visitors should stay on their feet.

“The important thing about New York is walking and just being in New York,” he said. “Walking and eating. Just live as the Romans do. Walk, eat, relax, go to a coffee shop, watch people.”

Sara said they won’t mind.

“Nobody cares how you look, what you wear, how you talk,” she said. “You can be yourself here.”

Other people might not care how Tara looks, but she does, so Fifth Avenue got a thorough going-over. She found a Juicy Couture sweatshirt at Saks, with a price tag I can’t report in case Chris ever reads the paper.

But that wasn’t the best thing she found.

“My favorite sight was J Crew on Fifth Avenue,” Tara said. “Our community desperately needs a J Crew – more than a new Wal-Mart.”

City planners, take note.

Our final stop on the NYC 101 tour was the highly touted Staten Island Ferry. Tara reached a milestone birthday during our visit, so she took the opportunity to perform a ritual shedding of her younger years in sight of the historic Lady Liberty.

She’d worn a gold hoop from Rings & Things in her upper ear since she was 20. And on our way past Ellis Island, she cast it into the New York Harbor.

“My heart is pounding,” she said.

But the view quickly distracted her from the momentous occasion.

“Ellis Island is a good thing for the first-time visitor to see,” she said. “There’s a sense of history there, to think that some relative of mine was in that very spot.”

While she enjoyed the typical destinations, though, in the end she agreed with Trevor’s assessment.

“I loved just walking and seeing all the architecture and being part of the whole city. It’s like you’re walking around on a movie set. And we’ve had fabulous food,” she said.

“I probably should have done a museum. I think I need another five or six days here. There’s more exploring to do.”

Still, a report from home made it clear it was time to go. When Chris took their 3-year-old, Ella, through a drive-in coffee stand, she ordered a nonfat mocha and told the barista: “I could really use the caffeine.”

And perhaps some supervision from her mother.