Keep fickle wife on leash

Dear Annie: Thirty years ago, my wife, “Alicia,” had an affair with a prominent citizen in our community. It began when she was asked to co-chair a charitable organization with him. He started driving her back and forth. She would return later and later, and then the two of them would sit in his car outside our house for another half-hour. Two years into the affair, Alicia went away on a “business trip,” where she spent a week with him at a vacation resort.

We stayed together, but our marriage has never been the same. I’m still in counseling. She won’t go.

This man is now 80 years old. When he dies, Alicia will want to go to his funeral. I am not in favor of this, but I know she won’t listen to me. Should I allow her to attend his funeral, and should I go also? – Still Coping Husband

Dear Husband: Allow her to attend? You apparently have no say in the matter. Alicia has been walking all over you for 30 years. Unless she takes responsibility for the damage she’s done to your marriage, counseling will only do so much. Since she is going to attend the funeral anyway, we say go with her. The woman needs a leash.

Dear Annie: Many of your readers may be concerned about risks to children on the Internet. As more and more children go online, so do child predators. Families should know that children too often make themselves vulnerable targets.

In a national survey of children (8-18) last fall, we found that half of teenagers post personal information about themselves online, one-third talked about meeting someone they knew only online, and one in eight discovered an adult posing as much younger. We recommend positive communication with your child and steps, such as:

Know what your kids do online. Ask them to show you their profiles and what activities are popular on the Web.

Let children know from the start that you will monitor their Web use.

Search the Internet for your child’s name. Millions of people can see what children post online. Parents should know, too.

Listen calmly and try not to react negatively when children are honest about online experiences. They should know they can come to you for help.

For more guidance, and to order our new, free Internet Safety Kit, visit our Web site (www.pollyklaas.org). Thank you. – Robert De Leo, Executive Director, Polly Klaas Foundation

Dear Robert De Leo: Thank you for providing such sage advice. We hope our readers will consider getting your Internet Safety Kit to learn more.