John Blanchette: Gather around, callow students, for true wisdom

You just never know. But I do.

“The Spokane Chiefs are trying to goose interest in their midweek games. Coming up Tuesday: Empty Seat Appreciation Night.

“They’re striking out in the free-agent pitching market, but don’t despair. The Seattle Mariners are the top bidders for whatever that gunk was on Kenny Rogers’ hand.

“If commissioner Phil Harris really was voted out because too many of his kids are on the county payroll, Mike Price had better watch out at UTEP.

“On the other hand, the Alabama football job is open again. Destiny calls.

“In Montana’s Division I-AA quarterfinal victory Saturday over Southern Illinois, Grizzlies coach Bobby Hauck put in his backup quarterback to start the second half even though his starter had already thrown for 153 yards, saw a fake field goal blow up on fourth down – and then almost immediately called for a fake punt at his 33-yard line, which worked. Now we know where all of Bill Doba’s karma went.

“Zagmania update: At a Rosauers on the South Hill on Saturday, they announced the Gonzaga score over the store intercom – when it was 8-2, Texas. The cleanup on aisle 3 can wait.

“One of the motorheads out there can probably set me straight, but how could NASCAR’s big-finish race be anything but an anticlimax when the champion only has to finish ninth? Is this racin’ or is this just placin’?

“Whatever it was that got Washington State offensive lineman Andy Roof arrested the night of the Apple Cup, I’m sure Cougars fans wish the team had tried it that afternoon.

“You know it’s pretty much over for boxing as a sport when the big news is that “Rocky” is coming out of retirement.

“I’m not the first one to say it, but I’ll say it again: In college basketball, it’s selfish to take the first open shot; in the NBA, it’s selfish if you don’t. That’s one difference those 11 extra seconds on the shot clock make.

“On the other hand, Sami Wylie made 21 3-pointers and Lincoln University beat Ohio State-Marion 201-78 Saturday. I’m not sure which was harder – Marion having just six suited players or ESPN trying to get video out of a Division III game in rural West Virginia.

“The M’s appear to be close to signing free-agent outfielder Jose Guillen. Because they need to get younger at the Carl Everett-brooding-malcontent

-you-release-in-midseason spot.

“Just curious. If you buy it on eBay, exactly what memories will you attach to your memorabilia?

“Not only would an Ohio State-Michigan rematch not hasten the coming of a playoff system in Division I football, it will be exactly the unfortunate sort of thing you’ll get again if a playoff ever comes to pass.

“I like earlier starts, but one boo bird told me moving kickoff from 7 p.m. to 5 next summer is as risky as letting a Shock fan recommend a chardonnay.

“Big-money boosters who wag the athletic dog make for a proper punching bag. But the mattress baron who threatened to divert a $1 million donation to the music department at North Texas unless the school named its practice facility after fired coach Darrell Dickey is my hero, until further notice.

“Alex Brink, second-team All-Pac-10 quarterback, as voted by the coaches. Say what you want, but sometimes “congratulations” is enough.

“Why does the Sonics’ carpetbagger owner bringing in Lenny Wilkens to beard it up for a new arena in Bellevue feel like Smokey Robinson peddling a soul-hits compilation CD on late-night TV?

“Forget the high moral ground. Mark McGwire doesn’t want to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Remember, he told Congress he didn’t want to “talk about the past” – and I have to assume that means the 586 home runs, too. So the least we can do is honor that.

“By the way, Jay Buhner’s on the Hall of Fame ballot, too. He shouldn’t make it to Cooperstown, but the clippers from all those “Buhner Buzz Cut” nights should.

“George Raveling would love to see 11,000 people back in Beasley Coliseum in Pullman for basketball, the way he used to put them there. He wouldn’t like more than half of them rooting for Gonzaga, however.

“The International Olympic Committee voted not to include mixed doubles curling on the program for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. Well, not voted. They couldn’t stop laughing long enough to take a vote.

“However long he decides to stay and play basketball, it’s already pretty clear that Rodney Stuckey will leave a bigger void at Eastern Washington than Adam Morrison did at Gonzaga.

“So it’s suggested that athletic director Bill Moos and the University of Nike mutually resigned each other because of his fractured relationship with Swooshmeister Phil Knight. Now Nike – er, the University of Oregon – is paying him $2 million over 10 years, with one of the stipulations being he not take a job and solicit people like Knight for money. Well, not like Knight. Knight. Explain.

“I don’t know if Spokane can call itself a big-time figure skating city if Sasha Cohen isn’t going to be here to fall down.