Paul Graves: Let’s offer others the gift of aging
Editor’s note: This is one in a series of occasional letters by columnist Paul Graves to his grandchildren.
Dear Katie, Claire and Andy,
Now that you and your parents live in Spokane, our Christmas will be extra special. Grandma and I look forward to being with you so much more, now that you live so close.
What a gift you all are to us! We hope you always feel that way about us, too.
Speaking of Christmas, I can think of a big, long-lasting gift that you can give us and we can give you. Let’s call it the gift of aging.
You offer this gift to us every time you let us enjoy you and love you as you are, whatever age you happen to be at the time.
Whatever ages you are today – 9 (Katie), 6-almost-7 (Claire) and 3 ½ (Andy) – or in the future, whether you are happy or sad, joyful or angry, hopeful or hurtful, we want you to treat yourselves and others with the respect and dignity we all were born with and will always have.
“Act your age” is not always a put-down challenge to be more grown-up than you really are. It can also be a great reminder to be who you are at the moment and be thankful for it.
When you visited with us in Sandpoint a few months ago, Katie said something to me that brought a smile to my face: “Grampa, you’re old.”
I don’t remember why she said it, but she just spoke the truth as she saw it. To her, I am old. So is Grandma. But we’re not quite as old as you think, Katie.
Kids, age is not just about birthdays. It is also about experience, wisdom and how a person handles life’s normal ups and downs.
Believe it or not, kids, your Grandma is a young 60-something and I’m a young 64.
One of your daddy’s friends didn’t see that, however, when he helped move your belongings into your temporary home a few weeks ago. When John and I met, he smilingly said, “Oh, you must be Brian’s grandfather.”
I laughed, and your daddy really laughed when he heard that. Poppa thought it was very funny, too.
John knew that your daddy had stayed with his Poppa (grandfather) until you and your mother moved to Spokane. So he assumed I was your daddy’s grandfather. He was pretty embarrassed by mistaking me for my father.
Kids, being mistaken for my father is actually an honor, because I happen to think he is a very special man. He is 23 years older than I am, and he is showing physical signs of being almost 88.
But by the way he lives every day, he also continues to teach me that “aging” (growing older) is a very natural part of living. I’m sure he will teach me something about living right up to the time he takes his last breath.
One of my great hopes is that each of you might be willing to keep learning from Poppa, from your wonderful grandparents in Mexico, and from Grandma and me. I hope we can teach you how to live with gratitude and passion and hope for the future, even as we get older.
Your gift of aging to us is different than the gift that we offer to you, Katie, Claire and Andy. When we look at you, we enjoy you at whatever age you might be.
But we also remember what we were like when we were your ages. We may grimace or grin at those memories. But they’re ours to embrace.
We hope you will enjoy us for whatever age we happen to be, too. When you look at us, you see people who have had so many more experiences in life than you’ve had.
We hope they might provide you some guidelines for the lives you have before you.
We don’t want you to duplicate what we did. We only want you to learn that life can be filled with surprises, with ups and downs, with joys and sorrow.
We want you to learn that through all of life, there is a constant Presence of Love that holds us together. We call that presence God.
So do you. We are so thankful you are learning about how God lives in you and in us and in all people as a Presence of Love. That may be the best evidence of the gift of aging we exchange with each other every day.
Love, Grampa