Harriette Cole Evaluate your expectations about holiday gift giving

Wed., Dec. 20, 2006

Harriette Cole United Feature Syndicate

Dear Harriette: I’m thinking of last year’s gifts that my husband and I received and gave. We love giving nice gifts, mainly certificates that everyone can use. One gift we received really irks me, though. My husband and I gave a $100 gift card last year to my brother-in-law and his girlfriend (who built an expensive home together after only dating one year). One of them makes more than both of us combined. The present we received in return: a box of cookies — homemade.

While we both understand it’s the thought that counts, we were SO sick of eating holiday treats. When we realized we got the cookies, I thought we were both going to be sick to our stomachs. People should think twice about giving such items because, by the end of the holidays, people are usually “cookie’d” out.

I don’t want to give them such a nice gift this year, only to receive another batch of cookies, especially when I know they make so much more money than we do. It is not that we are greedy; we don’t expect much — only the same in return. It is just upsetting to know they earn a lot more and they were so cheap. What should I do or say? — Melba, Dallas, Texas

Dear Melba: First, you must evaluate your gift-giving strategy. To say you have expectations sets you up for disappointment. To say you expect “the same in return” is to assure some kind of emotional response, a letdown just like what happened last year.

If you want to give to these family members — or anyone else — do so with a loving spirit, and without expectation. It will make you feel better. Also, just because they earn more money doesn’t mean they have extra cash lying around. Chances are their assets are tied up in the new house. Still, it’s fine to give them a more modest gift. Just make it something they would appreciate.

They probably thought you would appreciate the effort that went into preparing those cookies, by the way. Your point is a great one, though. Less sugar is better, especially at the holidays!

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