HOME ALONE

Whether by circumstance or choice, a number of us find ourselves alone during the holidays when everything speaks to being with family in joyous celebration. “The holidays are really about connecting,” says Jim Loudermilk, outpatient director for Daybreak Youth Services.

“Ideally that happens with family, close friends and loved ones,” he says.

“But, if that’s not possible, people can connect with nature, food, memories or even with strangers through random acts of kindness.”

Although Jim McArthur of Spokane spends the holidays with family and many friends, he remembers when he was in college and away from home.

“The thing that always worked for me in beating the holiday blues was to get out and help other people,” he says.

These days McArthur volunteers as Santa Claus for children’s groups and with the Spokane Symphony Chorale carolers, who visit local hospitals.

“When we sing for the really sick and dying it represents an important reaching out to those who won’t be home for this Christmas,” says McArthur. “They are sometimes stunned that someone would come and sing to them.”

Another Spokane Symphony Chorale caroler, Jan Abrams of Cheney, finds herself “home alone” by circumstance as Christmas draw near.

Earlier this month, after the floods in Western Washington, her husband, George, was called as a volunteer liaison for the Federal Emergency Management Agency in Lacey.

“When it became apparent that he wouldn’t be back until the first of the year,” says Abrams, “I had to figure out how to make Christmas by myself for the first time ever.”

For Abrams, Christmas is not just one day; it is the whole time of preparing and looking forward to Dec. 25.

Although Abrams will be with her husband and family on Christmas Day, “now is when I’m missing it,” she says.

Abrams says she volunteers as a way to contribute to the community and find companionship during the holiday season.

Another group that has found connections and companionship is “The Mixed Nuts” who volunteer time each week sorting food at Second Harvest on Front Street.

“They did not all come in together from one organization or church,” recalls Kathleen Hedgcock of Second Harvest.

“They came from all sorts of backgrounds and just sort of jelled,” she says. “Now they are one of our most dedicated and fun volunteer groups.”

Alone, but not lonely

Not everyone is completely sad about being alone at Christmas.

“I’ve been alone on most holidays for many years, but I’m never lonely,” writes Adrienne Kristine, a fulltime RVer who is working in a recreational vehicle park in California.

“The nice part about being solo is (that) there is always room for one more at someone else’s holiday table,” she says.

Christopher Lawrence of Spokane frequently has friends over on Christmas.

“I have spent most Christmas holidays away from home,” he says. “The first few were a bit lonely and then one day I realized I could have my own tradition.”

Every year Lawrence invites friends without family to a holiday potluck.

“Just because we cannot spend such special times with our family of origin,” he says, “does not mean we cannot enjoy these times with a new family of choice.”

For ten years Tomas Lynch of Spokane didn’t go “home” for the holidays.

“I did not like Christmas,” writes Lynch in response to an e-mail inquiry. “I come from a large Catholic family and found the stress and excitement overwhelming.”

He says he would shun “forced good will” by going skiing or snow shoeing.

Those days are behind him.

“I am married and a father now,” he says, “so it is important to celebrate the holiday, although it is on a very small scale compared to the opulence of years past.”

Last Christmas L. Andrea Cocco found herself celebrating alone.

“It seems that we had a snowfall and I just didn’t want to drive to my sister’s home for dinner,” says Cocco in an e-mail.

“I didn’t mind at all and just read and worked on the computer,” she says. “My cat and I spent the day together and enjoyed it.”

Ed Parker, a Buddhist, thinks that people often expect too much of the holidays and are frequently disappointed.

“It is good to be with family and friends when the days grow short,” he says, “but we are always alone.”

Overseas during holidays

Two people who found themselves overseas during past holidays are Gonzaga University student Eleanor Wakefield of Federal Way, Wash., and Mike McKinnon of Spokane.

McKinnon spent four years during the 1980s working for Bechtel engineering company in Jubail, Saudi Arabia.

One Christmas he took a “short hop to Bahrain.” Another holiday was spent on Cyprus “in a village in the mountains with a wonderful buffet and some Greek dancing.” The following Christmas he was in Damascus, Syria.

His final holiday season overseas was in Riyadh, the capital city of Saudi Arabia.

“I remember having Christmas Eve dinner at a Chinese restaurant listening to Jingle Bells,” he says.

“These experiences provide some good memories but none could beat a Spokane Christmas,” he says.

Wakefield spent her first Christmas away from her family last year in Germany.

On Christmas Day she met up with other students and had a Secret Santa gift exchange.

“I was a little lonely,” says the English and philosophy major, “but in retrospect I feel a lot more confidant in my ability to be independent after spending the mother-of-all-family-holidays alone in a foreign country.”