Support offered for rape victims

Thu., Feb. 9, 2006

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar The Spokesman-Review

Dear Annie: My 15-year-old daughter recently confided that she is a victim of acquaintance rape. The rape happened over a year ago, so there is no evidence.

My first reaction was to call the rape crisis center listed in the phone book, but they explained that because the victim is a minor, they, along with all doctors, counselors, school personnel, etc., are mandated to report the incident.

My daughter does not wish to go through the legalities of this situation. The pain she has borne alone for the past year has been overwhelming. She does not want to relive it. She has put a lot of stress on herself for not immediately reporting the rape, and the idea that she might be to blame for others experiencing the same thing is creating a lot of guilt. Yet she could go through all the pain of taking legal action, and it still may have no effect on the perpetrator. Counseling might help her change her mind, but to be forced to go through this when she isn’t ready would make her feel victimized all over again.

We have purchased self-help books that we are going through together to begin the healing process. However, I am not a professional and don’t feel qualified. How can I get my daughter help if all counselors are mandated to report? – We Need Help

Dear Need Help: According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (rainn.org), your state apparently requires mandatory reporting (not all states do). If your daughter were to receive counseling, however, the therapist would be able to support her through this process, although the likelihood that the case would go to court is very slim. You can call the confidential National Sexual Assault Hotline at (800) 656-HOPE (800-656-4673), and they can connect you to available local services. Meanwhile, Mom, it helps more than you know that she can discuss this openly with you.

Dear Annie: My wife, “Claudia,” and I have been married for two years, and I love her completely.

Claudia does not work. She stays home with our two young children. All I ask is to come home to a clean house and a home-cooked meal. Instead, the house is a mess, and Claudia is waiting for me to order dinner from a take-out place.It makes me feel as if she doesn’t really care for me. When I’m home, I help with the kids, but I would like to know someone is glad I am there. – Alabama

Dear Alabama: First, understand how SHE feels, cooped up all day with two children who require a tremendous amount of time and energy. She doesn’t work? You are mistaken.

You help with the kids, but do you help with the housework? If you have no clean clothes, why don’t you wash some? Ask Claudia what you can do to make your home life more pleasant, and to start, suggest you both greet each other appreciatively when you come home.

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.