He’s touchy about touching

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Dustin” for 40 years. I am 58, and he is 61. We had a wonderful sex life until the last few years, but now Dustin says he isn’t interested in sex at all, with me or anyone else. He says he still loves me, but if I need sex, I should go out and get it.

The problem is, I don’t care that much about the sex, but I still need the affection sex brought to our relationship. Dustin is not particularly demonstrative, and it really hurts when he puts his arm around our friends and gives them a hug but doesn’t do the same for me. Worse, he can’t understand why it bothers me.

Is this typical of men in their 60s? I have been trying to get him to see his doctor, but he’s reluctant to do it. I am hungry for affection. Please help. – D.R.C.

Dear D.R.C.: No, it’s not typical of men in their 60s. We suspect when it comes to you, Dustin associates affection with sex, and that is why he avoids touching. Since he doesn’t seem to need the affection, he doesn’t understand why you do.

You can ask Dustin to go with you for counseling, but in the meantime, you might force the issue by hugging him when you see him, giving him a little peck on the cheek before leaving the house and squeezing his hand when you sit next to him on the sofa. When he sees that these little touches don’t go any further, he may actually relax enough to enjoy them.

Dear Annie: I like my job. It is physical and keeps me in shape. The time goes by pretty quickly, and the pay is good.

The downside is my co-worker, “Jerry.” Jerry likes to make snide comments to his co-workers because he doesn’t think they are doing a good job, even if they do more work than he does. These rude little comments are said in a very loud voice and embarrass people.

We’ve brought this to the attention of management, but for some reason, they seem to revere Jerry and make excuses for his behavior, saying he’s on medication and just feels passionate for his job. The union seems to think he’s a good worker.

I’m fed up and want to leave, even with 16 years of service. But I’d like your feedback before I start retraining for something else. Should I seek legal counsel? Why do companies allow this type of behavior? – World-Weary Worker

Dear Worker: Jerry is an insecure bully who tries to control others by belittling them. However, if complaints to management don’t fix the problem, there isn’t much you can do other than look for another job.

Meanwhile, you and your co-workers should document every instance of bullying and continue to file complaints. If possible, point out that Jerry can create financial losses for the company because he is poisoning the work environment and may cause others to leave or get sick. Hopefully, Jerry will become such a pain in the neck to management that the company will no longer tolerate his nastiness.