You can learn a lot dining with Oscar

It was the Oscars’ “democratic party” – a day in which sound mixers mingled with starlets over cocktails and lunch.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ nominee luncheon Monday at the Beverly Hilton hotel’s ballroom was also an educational experience for reporters invited inside.

Here are some lessons learned from dining with Oscar:

•The Beverly Hilton throws away a lot of food. The hotel ballroom – which also hosts the Golden Globes and other interminable award and charity events – served countless salads, desserts and entrees that were simply ignored by nominees, who were too busy schmoozing, and gathered back up by waiters.

•Director Tim Burton may be reserved, but the “March of the Penguins” producers are downright timid.

Yves Darondeau and Emmanuel Priou, who were staying in Los Angeles for less than 24 hours after flying all the way from Paris, waited nervously for 10 minutes for the chance to shake Burton’s hand. “We’re very shy,” Priou admitted in accented English.

The dark-haired filmmaker finally broke away from another conversation to reach out and break the ice. The three chatted for all of two minutes.

•Keira Knightley is quite – quite! – attractive in person.

•”Entertainment Tonight” will go to great lengths to get its stars. Cross that; “Entertainment Tonight” will make stars go to great lengths to get to it.

The TV show had booked post-lunch interview time with key celebrities at the Hilton pool area. But on their way, stars were getting wrangled into interviews with other shows, also set up at the pool. So to avoid “poaching,” “ET” escorted stars the long way, through a long hallway all the way around the area.

•William Hurt likes red wine. Post-lunch, the “A History of Violence” supporting actor nominee was seen shooing away waiters who tried to take away his glass of Robert Mondavi and the accompanying bottle.

•Terrence Howard (“Hustle & Flow”) has a wee too much chutzpah for his own good. Oscars producer Gil Cates asked nominees to raise their hands if they’d started thinking about what they would say in an acceptance speech. Guess which pimp-depicting nominee was about the only one in the room with a big enough head – or was that enough honesty? – to admit it.

•Joaquin Phoenix – always a bit odd for our tastes in media appearances – actually seemed rather normal in person.

•Steven Spielberg goes to these kind of events with his dad. Cute.

Then, he thinks he can hide from fans lined up outside the lunch by putting on a baseball cap. Not so much.

•Charlize Theron is the biggest fan – of, apparently, everybody. The “North Country” actress gushed over William Hurt, then hugged quadriplegic Mark Zupan, the star of sorts of “Murderball.” She was later seen posing for pictures with Three 6 Mafia.

•On Oscar night, Cates really doesn’t want to subject us to a parade of actors thanking their agents. His advice to nominees considering thank-you lists in case they win: “Right now, throw it away. It’s no good. No good will come of it. Who says that an acceptance speech has to be about gratitude? …

“The only thing a thank-you list has going for it: It’s easy to prepare. The absolutely most boring person in the world is capable of writing down an interminable list of names. … Fortunately for us, you’re not the most boring people in the world.”

•Sally Field’s “You like me” line is still the best. Cates showed nominees clips of past acceptance speeches that he deemed quality, and Field stood out for pure intense feeling and utter lack of pretension.

•George Clooney is a patient man. Clooney was one of very few stars who stopped to sign autographs and pose for pictures with fans lined up outside the ballroom. He even scrawled his signature for “Penguins” producer Priou, whose friend said she’d quit smoking if he came back to France with the dreamy George’s autograph.

•Gulp. Keira Knightley looks pretty damn gorgeous.

•The man behind that unmistakeable “Brokeback Mountain” theme – now the soundtrack to countless parodies on the Internet – is a somewhat chubby Argentinian named Gustavo Santaolalla.

•William Hurt speaks French, a linguistic skill he displayed in a cross-table conversation with the “Penguins” producers.

•The Oscars get their own body condoms. After the lunch, stagehands loaded the bigger-than-life-size statues, wrapped in clear plastic, into a truck.

•Spielberg’s favorite film editor, Michael Kahn, may not be able to tell you a thing about “Munich.” Asked what it was like to be at the very first nominees luncheon 25 years ago (for 1981’s “Raiders of the Lost Ark”), he confessed to not being able to remember it at all. And then some.

“I don’t remember the last picture I did. I kind of get rid of all the excess baggage in order to be fresh all the time,” said Kahn, who is in his 70s.

•Keira Knightley, in case you didn’t know, cleans up nicely.

•Short-film nominees benefited most from this whole thing. One got to talk to Spielberg. One anticipated the joys of pre-Oscar days in which he’d get to talk film with folks at real authentic gigantic big studios. Mostly, though, they got to eat a free lunch with people like, well, Keira Knightley.

•The Academy Awards are March 5. Jon Stewart is hosting. The Academy wouldn’t like it if we wrote a story about the Oscars and didn’t say that.