Lack of friends distressing

Dear Annie: I frankly expect no answer to this message, but writing might release a little bit of my emotions, so, here goes.

I am a single, never-married, 42-year-old academic woman who is undergoing a midlife reappraisal. Low-level depression is part of my daily life. My physician says there is nothing wrong with me physically.

I have no friends. Anyone I ever thought was a friend turned out to be false due to my own bad judgment. Same thing with any male relationships. I ended my last relationship two years ago and have since realized that no one is ever, ever going to be in my life again. I have no children, and let’s face it, something would have to happen pretty quickly, and it ain’t gonna.

I truly believe there is nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life. I’ve been through counseling, but it wasn’t any help. Everything is a temporary fix. The reality for me, and for a lot of other single people, is that we desperately want love, but no love exists for us. How am I going to make it through the next few decades? My parents are pretty much the only reason I get up every morning. After they are gone, no one else will be there.

I have done everything I can to make a life. I try to be social and make friends, but I keep picking the wrong ones. When I die, no one will know what to do with any leftover family pictures or keepsakes. All those things will be thrown away.

If you saw me on the street, you wouldn’t guess I feel so awful. I put on a happy face to the world. If anyone reads this message, thanks for listening. – Done

Dear Done: Your letter saddened us. We’re sure you speak for many singles who despair that love has passed them by. We’re more concerned, however, that you haven’t been able to form long-lasting, loyal friendships. There is something amiss in what attracts you, or in your expectations, and this is where counseling efforts should be focused. Please return to your counselor and work hard on this specific area. We’ll be thinking of you.

Dear Annie: Is there any kind of online support group for spouses of people who are bipolar? Everything I’ve seen is focused on getting the patient to feel better. There is very little support for the spouse living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

My husband is in therapy and on medication, and there are good moments. But he also wakes me up at 3 a.m., shops excessively, buys pornography, drives recklessly, and criticizes me and the children. He has never been able to understand why I become upset. Sometimes, I think I’m stupid to stay in this marriage. Please help. – Married to Mr. Hyde

Dear Married: You’re in a difficult situation, but help is available for spouses through Beacon of Hope (www.lightship.org); chat rooms at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org); and the discussion groups at the National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org). Good luck to you.