New boyfriend being unfair

Tue., Feb. 28, 2006

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar The Spokesman-Review

Dear Annie: I am in the middle of a divorce from my husband of three years. He and I share a child together, and for the baby’s sake, we have been civil to each other. The problem lies with my new boyfriend, “John.” John and I have been an on-again-off-again couple for about two months.

John tells me he is unwilling to commit to me because I am friendly with my soon-to-be-ex. He’s worried my ex will try to interfere in our lives and cause problems with our relationship. John also says he is not interested in being a stepfather. He would rather my ex be out of the picture completely so he can take over as my child’s father.

I don’t believe my ex will be a problem, but John is unwilling to see things from my perspective. Not to mention that my ex has been a good father to our son. I don’t think it’s right to take his kid away from him. Am I asking too much of John, or is his request unreasonable? – Stuck in a Hard Place

Dear Stuck: It not only is unreasonable, it could be illegal. You can’t remove your ex from his son’s life unless Dad agrees to it. Since your ex is a good father and likely will want to be part of his son’s life, it is best if you can be on friendly terms. If John refuses to see the logic in this, he is not the right man for you, nor is he the right father for your child.

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to “Kevin” for 32 years. He always liked his beer, but for the past three years, he’s been popping open a can as soon as he comes home from work and drinks until he staggers to the couch or passes out at the table. On weekends, he is passed out by noon. During these same three years, Kevin and I haven’t gone out for dinner, a movie or had a sober conversation.

When I tell Kevin that his drinking is affecting our marriage, he gets angry and says I’m nagging. I understand that alcoholism is a sickness, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this. I’ve asked Kevin to get help, I’ve threatened divorce, and I’ve even considered an affair just for the companionship. Any suggestions? – Married and Alone in Michigan

Dear Married and Alone: Kevin sounds like an alcoholic, but more importantly, he seems terribly depressed. Does he get regular checkups? If so, call his doctor and ask him to evaluate Kevin for depression, and then try to get Kevin to make an appointment soon. Meanwhile, you could use some help, too. Please contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org). It’s in your phone book.

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