Sloppy feelings unavoidable so just be you

Wed., Jan. 11, 2006

Carolyn Hax The Washington Post

Dear Carolyn: I graduated from college this past spring and have been friends for a few years with this guy to whom I recently find myself very attracted. We are close friends, and while I can tell him anything, I can’t seem to tell him about my feelings for him. What’s a smooth, smart, confident way of telling a guy you like him and asking if he’d be interested in becoming more than just friends – without the risk of things getting awkward? – I Just Need to Say It Otherwise I’ll Explode

I’ve got one here somewhere – maybe next to my clever, magic way to pay bills without reducing my bank account balance.

The only way to avoid the risk of awkwardness is to say nothing – and assume the risk of regret. Or untimely explosion.

Feelings are sloppy. Accepting this might not be easy, but in millions of years of humanity, easy alternatives haven’t exactly been piling up.

You like him. You want to be more than friends. The best way to say these things is whatever way you manage to say them. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being the recent grad who fell for a friend and is afraid of being rejected. You know: You.

Carolyn: My wife and I have been happily married for four years. However, she has practically stopped shaving her legs. She has never been that crazy about it, but she used to do it anyway. Since we were married, she has gradually cut down and has now stopped totally. The issue has come up, but she says she shaves only when she wants to, and at the moment she does not. Obviously this is not going to break our marriage, but it has started affecting my sexual desire as I am increasingly turned off by her legs. Please help! – Worried in South Carolina

If it affects your desire, it can break your marriage. So.

1. Fantasize that you and she are stranded on a desert island.

2. Think of some romantic flourish/gentlemanly artifice/distasteful chore you gradually let slide as soon as your courtship succeeded and have since dispensed with totally, without protest from her – and then see if your gratitude doesn’t shed a more flattering light on her legs.

3. Indulge her with spa days that include waxing.

4. Explain that her smooth legs are a turn-on and that you’ll do her commensurate bidding if she’ll humor you on this.

5. If men can seductively polish toes, why can’t they also shave legs?

Hi Carolyn: I’m going to have a baby – my first – in a few months. I was in the delivery room with two of my sisters while they gave birth, and I feel like I don’t need childbirth classes. Friends say I’m being silly and should take the classes. Are they really worthwhile? Do you really remember any of the breathing exercises? Don’t the doctors and nurses sort of coach you along? – Expecting Mom

Yes, but you make most of the decisions (at least, the ones the baby doesn’t make), and classes are where you learn what those decisions are and what choices you have. I wholly recommend them. At best they give you confidence through a potentially nerve-wracking process, and at worst you’ve wasted some time.

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