Housewarming party loses meaning

That particular kind of party used to be a rare event, as Miss Manners recalls. Once, perhaps twice, in a lifetime, when people made what they deemed to be a permanent move, they would be eager to direct their friends to the address where they would be entertaining them from then on.

Pleased for them, the friends might bring the traditional, symbolic housewarming presents of bread and salt. They also might refrain from asking whether those little marks could be from termites and whether the neighborhood was safe.

But that was back when people first had to save up to make a down payment on the property. The idea of inveigling others to sponsor the move, via such maneuvers as the gift registry, had not yet surfaced.

Miss Manners suspects that this breakthrough was not unconnected with the burgeoning popularity of the housewarming party. Suddenly, housewarming parties are being given for every move, and not just temporarily rented quarters, but dormitory rooms and vacation sublets. A Gentle Reader reports being invited to a housewarming for a condo that the host had bought only as a quick-turn-around investment in which he never planned to live.

Normally, Miss Manners does not question the motives of party-givers. She has no patience with those who believe that people only finish school and get married for the sake of collecting dry goods from their hapless friends.

But when they name their parties after present-giving events that have only the vaguest relationship to the situation it looks suspicious. Furthermore, they don’t keep their guests in suspense – they enclose their lists of presents they have chosen for themselves, but not paid for.

Miss Manners is not opposed to housewarming parties. As noted above, the proper motive for giving one is to show one’s friends the way to the new dwelling.

Hoping to furnish one’s quarters on other people’s budgets is not a proper reason for giving a housewarming party.

But Miss Manners doesn’t only hear about this issue from greedy people and their targets. Polite people worry that a housewarming party always looks grabby.

No, not if it is given in connection with a serious move for people who are likely to be going there often. Anything unsolicited that they choose to bring may be gratefully accepted.

And if the house is not new but the guests are, it is still fine to give a party. Just forget that word “housewarming.” It’s a lot warmer, in that case, just to call it a party.