In nice way, tell her to talk in person
Dear Annie: I have a group of long-term friends, and we all are in our 30s. One girl, “Hilda,” is extremely insecure and childish. When Hilda disagrees with someone, instead of discussing it face-to-face, she fires off an accusatory, often insulting, e-mail to the person. This seems to work well for her, since she can get her barbs off without having to look anyone in the eye.
After being the victim of several of Hilda’s hurtful missives, I started ignoring those e-mails. However, when I deleted two last week, Hilda went to our mutual friends, saying they should talk to me because I am “not communicating with her.”
Needless to say, our friends feel put upon, and all of us have discussed how Hilda drives us crazy and we no longer want to be friends with her. Trying to talk about this with Hilda, in person, only produces more accusations and immature yelling, crying and bringing up events that happened years ago.
What do you advise? – High School Was 20 Years Ago
Dear High School: This method works for Hilda, and until you stop putting up with such immature behavior, she will continue. There’s nothing wrong with arguing via e-mail, but Hilda shouldn’t hide behind her computer while she insults you. Write her back, saying, “Hilda, I would like to talk to you in person.” Then give her a time and date to meet you over coffee.
Inform her that the way she handles disagreements has made it impossible to resolve issues and you think such things should be discussed in person without dragging your mutual friends into it. Be friendly but firm. If she cries, yells or otherwise becomes unpleasant, say goodbye politely and leave.
Dear Annie: I have a 5-year-old autistic son. My wife heard about how dogs will help my son with his speech and social skills, so eight months ago, she bought a Bich-poo. I was against this because I don’t have time to spend with the dog, let alone take care of any pet.
To make a long story short, my son doesn’t understand that the dog wants to play, so he gets very aggravated and starts screaming. Most of the time, he hits and kicks the dog until the dog leaves him alone. I have never seen my son or wife play with the dog or go outside in the yard to help clean up the dog poop.
I suggested getting rid of the dog because the older my son gets, the more force he will apply when hitting and kicking. Dogs need love and attention, and my son needs his peace once in a while. Any suggestions? – Out of Patience
Dear Patience: Your son may be too aggressive for a dog right now. And he should have a service dog specifically trained to work with autistic children. Expecting him to handle any other dog is unfair to both. Your Bich-poo needs a good home – somewhere else.
You and your wife should contact 4 Paws for Ability (4pawsforability.org) or Canine Companions for Independence (www.caninecompanions.org) at (866) CCI-DOGS (866-224-3647) to discuss whether or not your son is ready for a dog, and if so, how to find an appropriate companion for him.
Dear Annie: Now that the holidays are over, I had to write about the worst case of re-gifting ever. A friend of mine gave me a piece of crystal. She confessed that she was re-gifting and said I should feel free to give it to someone else. The box had her name written on it in ink. Worse, the card she gave me was blank. She said I should re-gift that, too.
Sure gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling about our friendship. I wish she hadn’t bothered. – Disappointed in Torrance, Calif.
Dear Torrance: Tacky, but at least she was honest. And better than trying to return it, only to discover that it was a free gift from the bank for opening a new checking account.