Proposal unlikely

Dear Annie: I have been seeing “Ralph” for three years. He and I spend almost all our time together, except when he has his 12-year-old daughter with him. I have not met his daughter, and she does not know I exist.

I have met Ralph’s parents. We have gone out to dinner with them a few times, and I have stayed overnight at their home. He has met my two oldest children but not my youngest two (ages 11 and 15). He said he was interested in meeting them, but when I asked to set a date and time, he said he wasn’t ready.

Ralph has been divorced twice and tells me that he was hurt really badly and is taking the relationship slowly. I have shown him time and again that I would never hurt him. I have had a lot of patience and am willing to wait because men like Ralph are hard to find.

Ralph is 49, and I am 42. He says he enjoys my company and once slipped up and admitted he loves me. He gets jealous of other men. But I feel he is somehow testing me to find out whether he can trust me with all his heart.

I know we should be together, but friends keep telling me I should move on. What do you think? – Willing to Wait

Dear Willing: Ralph is exceedingly skittish about marriage, and your assurances that he can trust you are meaningless to him. His previous wives no doubt promised the same thing. It’s possible he will come around, but if he hasn’t introduced you to his daughter after three years or found time to meet your other children, you can bet he won’t be proposing anytime soon. If you love him and are content to stay on the sidelines, that is entirely up to you, but don’t expect more.

Dear Annie: My ex-partner and I have kept in touch for over 50 years, and he always has been the surviving trustee of my living trust. Without so much as a by-your-leave, I received a curt e-mail from him, telling me to find someone else to be trustee.

This hurt me deeply and has created a sudden and major problem at age 77. My brothers and sisters are all older than I am, and they live far away. There is no person close enough whom I can ask to assume such a position of “trust.” Any ideas? – Dis-Trusted.

Dear Dis-Trusted: A trustee does not have to be a close friend or relative. It only needs to be someone who will see that your wishes are carried out. An attorney, accountant or bank official can do the job quite well and isn’t likely to send you curt e-mails that the relationship is over.