All bets on at World Series of Poker

LAS VEGAS – Outside, it’s 110 degrees and there is no shade. Inside, it’s an endless trail of crowds and cigarettes – even in the shower, you get second-hand smoke here. So why am I wilting and wheezing in the middle of the desert again?

It’s the World Series of Poker, baby.

(You say “Play ball!” I say, “Shuffle up and deal!”)

I sit next to Lon McEachern – he’s the taller, leaner, older one – and follow the greatest global competition this side of the World Cup.

(Check local listings for time and ESPN network in your area. Actually, even if you miss the original broadcast on ESPN Tuesday nights, I understand they re-air it. And then they re-air it again. And again. Frankly, I’m so sick of the sound of my own voice, I’ve stopped talking in my sleep.)

Of late, poker has become equal-parts cultural phenomenon and cultural punching bag. It is amazing how many people are playing it and watching it on TV and, to some, it is deplorable how many people are playing it and watching it on TV.

On his HBO show “Costas Now,” Bob Costas offered: “At the risk of alienating degenerates from coast to coast, I must say I find it hard to get worked up over a ‘sport’ that boasts all the pageantry and magic of Saturday night in my Uncle Murray’s basement.” He said that poker delivers “a different type of superstar: pasty, portly, sketchy, the kind of ‘athlete’ who breaks a sweat just cutting the deck.”

In the skewed culture that is America, we disproportionately reward athletes and entertainers. So I don’t quite understand how Costas can spend a lifetime holding up, say, Mickey Mantle as an icon – the man could hit fastballs – then turn around and dismiss card players, a group with skills no more or less irrelevant than those of baseball players.

Anyway, Costas can have Mickey Mantle; I’ll take Doyle Brunson.

These “degenerates” include some of the sharpest minds from all walks of life – people with more varied backgrounds than any team of athletes, people with tremendous success in other fields, people who will outsmart you on or off the felt, like Dartmouth grad Chip Reese, Columbia dropout Howard Lederer and UCLA Ph.D. whiz Chris “Jesus” Ferguson.

They also risk their own money every day. And as Brunson or T.J. Cloutier can attest, occasionally they lose everything they’ve got.

J.J. Redick can make jump shots? Fine. Daniel Negreanu can figure out exactly what someone else’s cards are through a series of calculations, deductions and people-reading abilities.

Give me Phil Hellmuth’s check-and-raise any day over Tony La Russa’s double switch.

For the rest of us lesser mortals who play the game, it is a wonderful, weekend diversion. In times of turmoil, the card room is safe harbor. Out there you might have professional and personal woes; in here you get two cards and endless hope.

The card room is a country club anyone can join. You don’t need to have contacts or credentials. You can sit down at a $1-$2 game with $20 or at a $200-$400 game with $10,000.

(Along with the public library, the card room is the greatest recreational gathering place in America. Upside to library: You can bury yourself in the written word, plus in the reference room, nobody talks. Upside to card room: You can walk out with more money than you walked in with, plus it never closes.)

As for people taking in poker on TV, well, there’s no accounting for American viewing tastes – or need I remind anybody of “The A-Team” and “Two Guys, A Girl & a Pizza Place”? Am I surprised by poker’s TV presence? Yes. After all, we’re just talking about a bunch of people tossing chips into the middle of a card table; entertainment-wise, it’s not exactly “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.”

Then again, at least it’s not dominoes.

Ask The Slouch

Q. I heard that Dennis Rodman is considering another NBA comeback. Will any team sign him? (Jim Breen; Mobile, Ala.)

A. He’s not in NBA shape, he’s undependable and he’s destructive on team chemistry. On the other hand, he’ll get you a lot of comps in Vegas.

Q. This year’s World Series of Poker Main Event will have four Day Ones and two Day Twos. Do you think your marriages would have worked out better starting that way? (Dave Roberman; Houston)

A. I’m not sure extending the first and second honeymoon nights of either marriage would’ve worked in my favor.

Q. I noticed that at the end of regulation of each World Cup game, there was usually another 3-5 minutes tacked on. If you’d had a little extra time at the end your last marriage, do you think you could’ve talked her out of it? (Tony Kotler; Washington, D.C.)

A. One guy wants me to tack on time at the start of the matrimonial union, the other guy thinks I should’ve done it at the end. Do you see how tough this whole marriage business is to figure out?