“A tart temper never mellows with age, and a sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use.” - Washington Irving

The Dyspeptics Club is not the real name of the place from which I occasionally report the alarms and discursions. The club has acquired its nickname because of the temperament of so many of its members. Grumpiness sometimes appears to be one of the basic requirements of membership – and few could dispute that of the regular foursome that meets there North is a past master at the stinging retort.

On today’s deal his sharp tongue found a perfect target. South combines an air of both self-satisfaction and confidence that renders him an almost irresistible focus of North’s spleen.

North had done well in the auction – his jump to five spades was meant to suggest no minor-suit control and a good hand. South did less well in the play, winning the second club to lead a spade to dummy’s ace and eventually conceding a trump for one down.

South bewailed his luck, saying that there was no way for him to make the contract. North accurately if mean-spiritedly responded that there was no way for him to make the contract – but any bridge player would have wrapped up 12 tricks. Do you see why?

Since the only danger on the hand is 5-0 trumps and nothing can be done if East has the length, start trumps by leading the jack from hand. You can then finesse easily enough against West’s holding to bring home 12 tricks.

Bid with the aces

South holds:

Answer: Bid four spades as a pre-emptive call. You have no real expectation of making, but you do not want to let the opponents get together cheaply. This action is consistent with a weak hand and long spades. Although you could be better than this, you could also be worse.