Clover leaves bring everyday good luck

I have nothing but scorn for superstitions. The world is already irrational enough; we don’t need to concoct a bunch of fairy stories about black cats, full moons and walking under ladders.

Humankind has struggled for centuries to crawl out from under the tyranny of myth and superstition, yet people today still waste their time and energy worrying about what’s going to happen on Friday the 13th.

Why?

Why do otherwise sane people get all worked up about this nonsense? Because they’re ignorant, that’s why.

One thing that makes complete sense to me, however, is the inherent power of the four-leaf clover. Those things actually do bring good luck. Every year, I search my yard for four-leaf clovers because they work so well. One example: I found a four-leaf clover this spring. The very next day a letter arrived in the mail from Farmers saying that they were reducing our car insurance premium by $20.

But most superstitions are totally ridiculous. What really sticks in my craw is when people actually base important decisions on superstitions. Parents refuse to induce labor on a Thursday; world leaders consult their horoscopes before setting foreign policy; couples refuse to rent Apartment No. 13.

Why don’t we go back to the Dark Ages and examine the entrails of a goat before we take our family vacation? Sometimes, I just despair of humanity’s capacity for logical thinking.

Another thing: You think a four-leaf clover is lucky? You should see what a five-leaf clover can do. I don’t find one often – it’s a rare mutation – but it is extremely potent. Once I found a five-leaf clover. That same year one of our children was able to graduate from high school.

But I can only laugh at the other things that people believe can bring them luck. Oh, sure, there’s really a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. What a crock. Think about this for a minute. No matter how much you try, you can never find the end of a rainbow because it moves in relation to your location. A rainbow is a visual illusion, not fixed to the landscape in any way. Do you really think pots of gold are just scattered all over the countryside during rain storms? People with ATVs and GPS devices would find them all and steal them before you even see the rainbow.

I don’t like to brag, but I am extremely talented at finding four-leaf clovers. It has something to do with outstanding spatial perception. I do not take credit for this special talent. It is God-given. But it does account for the nice run of luck I have had with lottery scratch tickets over the years. I have won three $5 jackpots.

Another thing that drives me up the wall is when people obsess over ridiculous, superstitious rituals, like carrying a bride over a threshold, or throwing spilled salt over your shoulder, or burying a statue of St. Joseph in your yard. None of these things make a darn bit of difference. I once buried a statue of St. Joseph in my yard to generate some real-estate luck. Then I turned right around and stupidly accepted the first lowball offer. Carrying a bride over a threshold worked out only slightly better. I pulled a groin.

But have you ever heard of a six-leaf clover? I found one once. I had good luck for six solid weeks, as measured by relatively low auto maintenance bills.

The rest of that baloney I can only laugh at. A rabbit’s foot does not bring anybody good luck, especially not the poor rabbit. And if you blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake, your wish does not come true. If it did, suffice to say that I would be snorkeling right now on my own private Polynesian Island with Brigitte and Elsa.

However, it is a proven fact that if the American League wins the All-Star Game, I will have one year of good luck. I also believe that knocking on wood is a wise precaution and, no, “knocking on Formica” or “knocking on Pergo” is not sufficient. I also believe that the Gypsy Curse is real, for reasons obvious to every Spokane resident.

Other than that, superstitions are just a total sham. But, hey, I’m a born skeptic. I believe in logic, rational thought and the power of the intellect. That’s because I’m a Leo.