Annie’s Mailbox: He isn’t ready to be rescued

Dear Annie: My brother began dating this girl, “Julie,” about three years ago. Julie was bad news from the start. At first she dictated his entire life, and now she is physically and emotionally abusive. She actually says she has the right to hit my brother when he does something she doesn’t like.

My brother’s personality has completely changed during the time they’ve been together. In the past year, he has attacked and threatened me. I, too, have been in an abusive relationship, and I understand what happens in such circumstances. I have tried talking to my brother and my parents about it, but nothing helps.

I don’t know what to do, because now I am afraid for my safety if I speak up. I want to move out of my parents’ home to get away, but I do not have the money to live on my own because I am still in college. Help. – Afraid

Dear Afraid: You’ve been a good sister to try and get your brother out of an abusive relationship, but he isn’t ready to be rescued, and you can’t do anything about that. However, he should not be putting you at risk. Say nothing more to him about Julie or about his changed personality, and when he visits your parents, remove yourself from the premises. You also can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (800-799-7233) for more assistance.

Dear Annie: I have what I think is an unusual phobia – a fear of driving. My entire life, I’ve had a premonition that I would die in a car crash. I know it probably sounds crazy and I can’t explain it. There have been three separate instances when I was supposed to go in someone’s car and changed my mind at the last minute. Two of those instances ended with a passenger’s death, and the other time, someone was seriously hurt.

I have tried to get past this and even got my driver’s permit, but that’s as far as it went. I am a 40-year-old mom with two kids, and they are now at an age where they will need to be driven to school, friends’ homes, after-school activities, etc. I also can’t keep waiting for my husband to pick up basic things like milk and bread on his way home from work.

How do I beat this? Does hypnosis work? – Pedestrian in Pennsylvania

Dear Pedestrian: Yes, hypnosis might work, but with your rather unusual (and creepy) track record, we aren’t sure you would be truly committed to driving. However, you will never forgive yourself if you don’t try. Contact the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (adaa.org), 8730 Georgia Ave., Suite 600, Silver Spring, MD 20910.