Be realistic about your chances

Dear Carolyn: When I was a sophomore in college, I had a crush on a senior friend. One weekend, right after he broke up with his girlfriend, we both got a little too drunk and slept together. We were both embarrassed and sorry and agreed we were in the wrong place for a relationship at the time. Happily, we ended up growing even closer because of it. We kept in touch after he graduated; he even brought me as a date to his brother’s wedding the spring of my senior year. Things never got romantic again, though. I enjoyed every minute I spent with him, but I always had the lingering “what if?” in the back of my head.

Unfortunately, we fell out of touch, and it’s now been about two and a half years since I’ve spoken to him. A few days ago, though, I got an invitation to his wedding.

I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid if I go, all of the pent-up feelings I had for him will come flowing out and embarrass us both. However, my rational side tells me I should go, because we shared a wonderful, open friendship, one that could possibly be platonically rekindled in the future. – Losing Sleep in Seattle

Best case, you go, you realize you don’t find him attractive anymore, you resume your Platonic friendship, you find 100 bucks in the pocket of the jeans you haven’t worn in a while.

Second-best case, you pull a Dustin-Hoffman-in-“The Graduate” and find out what happens when they get off the bus. (If so, please share.)

Remaining cases, your what-ifs get all dressed up again but have no place to go except: an inappropriate friendship, an appropriate but excruciating friendship, or back home alone in a funk.

You’d think from these choices that I’m deciding for you, but I’m not. What-ifs are famously resistant to third-party counsel. All I can do is try to keep your head out of your butterfly garden, and let you decide for yourself.

Hi, Carolyn: How do you keep a nosy friend out of your dating life? I usually share dating stories and mishaps with good friends (when they ask), but this particular good friend likes to spread my dating life to all of our mutual friends, as well as try to sabotage any potential dates with things I’ve told her. – Maryland

1. “I’d tell you, but you’re a human bullhorn.”

2. “Please be careful what you tell (Human Bullhorn); I’m sick of hearing about my dating life from perfect strangers.”

3. Accept that remaining friends with Human Bullhorn means you take your romantic privacy (and longevity) into your own hands.