Carolyn Hax: Relax, enjoy time together

Dear Carolyn: I have been in a relationship for about a year now and I couldn’t be happier. This is my first serious relationship only because I was content with just playing the field while I was younger. I am 26, and she turns 21 this summer. I can see myself marrying her, but the one fear in the back of my mind is that since she is so young, she will soon realize she wants to experience other things and get rid of me. Am I just being pessimistic or is my fear not far off from reality? – Wondering in New York

Very few fears are far off from reality. That’s why they’re fears.

You can’t be certain she won’t get bored or curious, just as she can’t be certain you won’t revert to your field-playing ways. Or decide your second serious relationship is more worth chasing. Or get bored or curious.

You both can be certain, though, that life will go on no matter what happens. Cold, but, think of it as the ice in the margarita. Try to relax and enjoy.

Dear Carolyn: The two people my fiance confides in the most are his mother and his ex-girlfriend/best friend. At first I was uncomfortable with his talking to his ex-, but am slowly getting over that as I get to know her better. She is a true friend to him, and I would trust her with information he shares. However, his mother … not the case. I’ve always felt that sharing details of arguments and problems in our relationship with his mother or my mother is just asking for problems. She and I are still trying to build our relationship, and I don’t think she’s entirely capable of being unbiased in her advice and therefore have asked him to not share our private lives with her. He isn’t happy with the request but has honored it because he loves me. Am I being unreasonable? – Trying to Do the Right Thing

I can’t think of anything that would alienate you from your new mother-in-law faster than putting a gag order on her son. Shutting out is not kind. Controlling is not winning.

You might not like every detail she learns about you, but you’re going to have to trust her to recognize that you’re human and to see through little thises-and-thats. (Or pretend to, if nothing else.)

If she can’t summon this simple generosity toward you, you were never going to be close no matter how brightly her son spoke of you.

You’re also going to have to trust your fiance to represent you fairly. Again – if he can’t summon this simple generosity toward you, you and he will have a lot of rough spots for him dutifully not to report.

And, not least, you need to trust yourself. Any time you start to worry about how you’re being depicted, give it the two-word challenge: So what?