Mainstream mothers they’re not

ORLANDO, Fla. – On a recent Friday night, the Chuck E. Cheese’s in Altamonte Springs, Fla., is mobbed with moms chasing their kids, coaxing them down the slide, scooping them up when they tremble at a costumed mouse.

In the middle of the fray are three who look like the other moms but for a few subtle distinctions. Julie de la Fuente sports red stripes in her dark hair. Angie Ross wears a tank top adorned with a skull, crossbones and heart. And Becca Rawson has two visible tattoos.

These women are members of Punkymoms, an alternative to traditional moms’ clubs. The group was founded in 2002 by Jessica Seymour, a Dallas-area mom who was looking for new friends after she had her first child. Seymour didn’t fit in with her barfly friends anymore, and she didn’t mesh with the PTA set, either. So she created Punkymoms, a haven for mothers who don’t fit a mainstream mold.

The concept caught on nationally, and today hundreds of members are registered on online forums. Local chapters have formed and organized events with an assist from meetup.com.

Within Punkymoms, members say they find acceptance, understanding and support.

“They understand if you want to wear black; if your hair is blue; if you want to be all-cloth-diapering; or if you want to raise your kid vegan,” says Sarah Fanning, 31, a Washington, D.C., mom who helps run punkymoms.com.

Most important, the members are looking to be the best moms they can be.

“We love our children more than life itself,” says de la Fuente, 30. “That’s the most important part of it.”

To define the term “Punkymom,” it is helpful to first define what it is not. “Definitely not your typical soccer moms,” Fanning says, though some Punkymoms do drive minivans.

A Punkymom also is not what de la Fuente sees as a classic mother. “I have a picture of a mom in my head with button-down shirt, nice twill skirt and nice little flats, no hair out of place, makeup is flawless, with her super-soy half-caf latte.”

That said, here’s what Punkymoms are, according to the group’s Web site: “the tattooed, pierced, rock-n-rolling, coffee drinking, cigarette smoking, toy collecting, comic book reading, cartoon watching, concert going, creative, macaroni necklace making, hot rod loving, beer drinking, music playing, hair dyeing, fierce loving, breast feeding, attachment parenting, sling wearing mamas.”

Of course, these traits are not prerequisites for membership. Punkymoms can be all of those things or none of them. They can have a dozen tattoos or no tattoos. They can be working moms or stay-at-home moms.

Punkymoms go beyond fashion sense. They tend to be liberal in their politics. Many believe in attachment parenting and hold their babies close to their hearts, as Rawson does, literally, in a sling.

“Anyone can join, as long as you leave your judgment at the door,” says Rawson, 31, a mother of two.

Although the Punkymoms might be free-spirited, that doesn’t mean they let their kids run wild. Seymour likes hard-edged rock, but she doesn’t allow her kids to hear it.

“I’ll wait till they’re at their dad’s (to listen to) Marilyn Manson,” she says.

Punkymoms encourage each other to be good moms yet maintain their individuality.

“We try to recognize that we had a life before kids,” Rawson says.

Jesse Ross, Punkymom Angie’s husband, says parents sometimes lose their identities when they have children.

“What kind of role model are you if you have no self?” asks Ross, 28.

Although there’s no official “punkydad” group, Ross might fit into such a category.

“I don’t consider myself a regular dad,” Ross says. “I don’t think fatherhood has to mean that you necessarily all of a sudden have to trade in your whole self for Dockers and a polo shirt.”

The group is planning a national meeting in Las Vegas during the summer and is calling it Punkymamacon.

In January, Florida moms Rawson and de la Fuente attended a tattoo convention together. After she had her first child, Rawson wondered if she had to stop getting tattoos. But she decided, “I don’t want to grow up just because I have kids now.”

So at the tattoo convention, Rawson acquired a new tattoo on her upper arm: two hearts inscribed with Josie and Sada, her daughters’ names.