Her in-laws need grief counseling

Dear Annie: I am a widow with four children. My late husband took his life a little over two years ago. I tried to stop him, but unfortunately, there was nothing I could do. That was not his first suicide attempt.

The problem now is that his family treats me and our children horribly. They keep saying that I killed their son and didn’t do enough to prevent him from taking his life, even though they are aware of his previous attempts. Worse, they say these cruel things in front of my children.

Believe me, I blamed myself for a long time. But I do not feel their present attitude is good for the children. I have told my in-laws that if they want to see their grandchildren, they need to put their feelings aside and act civilly. – Trying To Function in Tennessee

Dear Tennessee: Your in-laws are blaming you not only because it makes their son’s death more manageable, but because they do not want to blame themselves for whatever part they may have played, real or imagined. Your children should not be hearing their grandparents say hateful things about their mother. Your in-laws are in desperate need of grief counseling and/or survivor support groups. You can find help for them, and for yourself, through Survivors of Suicide (survivorsofsuicide.com) or the American Association of Suicidology (suicidology.org) at 5221 Wisconsin Ave., NW, Washington, D.C. 20015.

Dear Annie: I have been dating a 30-year-old man for about 10 months. Let’s call him “Oedipus.” Oedipus couldn’t be nicer, more attentive or solicitous of my family and friends. He has a great job, a lovely apartment, and he is debt-free. He loves my dog and seems to love me.

So what’s the problem? He calls his mother “Mommy,” and it sets my hackles up every time I hear it. It’s “Mommy” this and “Mommy” that, and it drives me nuts.

All my girlfriends say “get over it” or “kick him to the curb.” I don’t want to walk away without at least trying to let him know that this habit is having an untoward effect on him, professionally and otherwise. Please make some helpful suggestions. – Girlfriend of “Mommy’s” Son in the MidwestDear Girlfriend: This is a long-ingrained habit, and the reason it irks you is because it sounds as if he is overly attached to his mother. Is he? If so, that’s your real problem. If not, simply tell him with a smile that he sounds just like a 6- year-old when he says “Mommy,” and you’re surprised he hasn’t outgrown it yet. He will need to be a little self-conscious in order to stop. And if he refuses to stop, you have to decide if this small thing bothers you enough to break up.