Name-calling touches a nerve

Fri., May 19, 2006

Judith Martin The Spokesman-Review

Dear Miss Manners: Retaining a father’s (ex-husband’s) last name for the sake of convenience where the children are concerned seems to be a reasonable/rational enough action. But my experience with this is somewhat different.

My husband’s ex-wife resumed her maiden name at the time of her divorce.

I am not aware of any difficulties or confusions with the situation of she and her son having different last names. She appeared comfortable, even proud of her decision, even announcing her identify change with vanity plates spelling out her maiden name.

She then remarried and then assumed her new husband’s last name. When this second marriage ended in divorce, she decided to revert back and reassume my husband’s (and consequently my) last name. He believes that this is a natural course of action, but I disagree.

What are your thoughts on this?

Gentle Reader: That what your husband means by “natural” is that this is not worth starting a battle with the mother of his child.

Miss Manners’ guess is that this still has to do with using the child’s surname, even belatedly, rather than with resuming the connection with a gentleman who is now married to someone else.

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