Grow up - face music, honey

Dear Annie: I am 26 years old. Six months ago, I married a man I’ve been dating since I began college. This is the only serious relationship I have been in.

The problem is, I always have had major doubts about our relationship, and if I am forced to admit it, I know I “settled” because I wanted the whole marriage-and-children thing. I am hardly attracted to my husband, and worse, embarrassed by him when we’re out in public because he is socially awkward. We agree on a lot of things, such as parenting (we do not yet have children), but sometimes I’m afraid I made a terrible mistake by marrying him.

To compound the problem, I have cheated on him with three different guys. One is a co-worker, and we have great chemistry. I always look forward to our encounters, which happen whenever we get a chance. The relationship is sexual only.

A divorce would devastate my husband, who not only has baggage from his own parents’ divorce, but also is very much in love with me. I also don’t want to disappoint my family and his. And if I did leave him, it’s not as if I could be with my co-worker, who also recently married.

I’m afraid I will always be looking for affairs. Please help. I have no one to turn to, since all my friends know this co-worker. – Staten Island, N.Y.

Dear Staten Island: You were not ready to get married, and you have done both yourself and your husband a disservice. A divorce may be unpleasant, but not as bad as years of cheating and misery, especially if you have children. It’s time to grow up and face the music, honey. When you believe you deserve better, you tend to behave as if you are owed something. But your husband is owed something, too – fidelity, honesty and trust. If you cannot give those to him, please cut him loose so he can find someone who will.

Dear Annie: My husband and I married eight years ago. During the time we were planning our wedding, we also were moving into our new home. I’m sure you can imagine what a stressful time that was.

The other day, we were doing some spring cleaning and discovered some thank-you notes from the wedding that were addressed but never sent. I was mortified. It’s been eight years! I feel terrible that these people were never properly thanked. What should we do? – Really Am Thankful in Ohio

Dear Ohio: Send the notes anyway, along with a short letter explaining what happened. Say you were “mortified to discover they had never been mailed” and you want them to know their gifts were received and appreciated.