Flirting with waiters not OK

Dear Annie: I have a dear friend, “Clive,” who is gay. I have no problem with that. My problem comes up when we occasionally have dinner out together. If we happen to get a female server, fine, but if we get a male, Clive becomes overtly sexual to the waiter – not just flirting with him, but talking about how he looks. This makes me very uncomfortable, and I have told him so. I also say such attention might make the waiter uncomfortable.

Clive says it’s probably OK with the waiter because tolerating the flirting might get him a better tip. I just find this in bad taste and would feel the same way if it were a straight man coming on to a waitress. Am I overreacting? How can I get Clive to stop without hurting his feelings? – Confused in Carolina

Dear Confused: Clive’s behavior is inappropriate, and the fact that a waiter will put up with it doesn’t mean he likes it. It is disrespectful, not just to the waiter, but to you, since it causes you discomfort. Ask Clive to please focus his attentions on you, since you are with him for the company and conversation, and you find it embarrassing when he behaves this way. If he won’t tone down the flirting, you have the choice of putting up with it or refusing his dinner invitations.

Dear Annie: I am a 90-year-old grandfather and great-grandfather. I am not overloaded with cash, but I can afford to be generous. I have established small annuities for the grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and I still have enough to live comfortably, barring any great difficulty.

Here is the trouble. My daughter and son-in-law visit me when they are in the area, and occasionally invite me to their home. Naturally, we dine out, take side trips, invite people in, etc. These things all cost money, especially when they bring the whole tribe, plus a few friends. When it comes time to pay the bills, my son-in-law always finds a way to be somewhere else. At restaurants, he gets up from the table before the waiter arrives. When we buy gasoline, he is in the rest room.

I resent that my son-in-law always puts the entire burden of paying on me. It seems unfair. What do you think? – Sun City, Ariz.

Dear Sun City: Of course it’s unfair, but your son-in-law thinks you are Daddy Warbucks, and he’s going to take as much advantage as you permit. You should simply tell your daughter or her husband that you’d like them to pay for half the restaurant tab, or it’s their turn to fork over for gasoline, whatever, although it sounds like Sonny has his vanishing act down to a science. Only you can decide if this is worth pursuing or not.