Granddaughter at risk for abuse

Dear Dr. Gott: I need help on knowing if the following is considered child abuse.

My daughter married eight years ago and learned her husband was a cross dresser. She decided she couldn’t stay with him, and they divorced.

They had a daughter who is now 7. They live two hours apart, and he has his daughter every other weekend as well as alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving.

He has extremely low self-esteem, has very few friends and smokes and drinks. They had an agreement that he would never drink when he drove with his daughter.

He has gotten a belly button ring, and his daughter has seen it. He wants her to sleep in the same bed.

She is getting uncomfortable with this, saying that she doesn’t have room and wishes he would wear pajamas like “gramps.”

I don’t think he would do anything sexual. He is very lonely and (I think) wants the comfort of another person in bed. He also has been drinking while driving.

His daughter loves him and doesn’t like to “tell” on him, but she has been mentioning these things lately completely without prompting or questioning from her mother.

I’m worried about my granddaughter and wonder what to do about this situation. My daughter tries to speak to him lovingly, but he immediately gets mad and accuses everyone of not liking him. Is my granddaughter in any danger?

Dear Reader: Based on the information you supplied, I fear that your granddaughter is at serious risk for child abuse. Her father’s preoccupation with drinking and bedding down with her is totally inappropriate.

To prevent problems, I urge you or your daughter to seek out professional help in dealing with what I believe is a tragedy waiting to happen. Check with your daughter’s attorney or community social service workers, who can investigate this situation and put into use various practices to ensure your granddaughter’s safety.

This situation must not be ignored. Rather than manipulating the members of your family, your former son-in-law needs firm guidance and counseling.

Someone should tell him that enough is enough; his behavior must change.