Try SWM Diet at your own risk

Like so many others, I struggled with my weight all my life. I went from thin to fat and back again. I tried low-fat, low-carb, reduced portions, nothing but grapefruit juice for 48 hours, and so on. Every time, I hit the same brick wall: I would be sitting there hungry, staring at food I couldn’t eat. My willpower was never strong enough.

And then I stumbled upon the diet secret that has turned it all around for me – being a single working mother of two children.

There are no calories to count, no charts to track, no looking up nutrition information. The Single Working Mother Diet owes its incredible success to two main components: 1) no time to eat, and 2) no money to buy food.

Here’s how it works:

You wake up in the morning to the sound of a crying baby. Get the baby, prepare some cereal and start feeding him. It’s perfectly acceptable to plan your own breakfast at this point. Wanting to eat will not affect your actual caloric intake.

By now, your toddler is awake and asking for cereal. Feed her and start dressing the baby. Fetch the toddler another glass of milk. Clean up where the baby vomited on the floor while you were getting the toddler more milk. Pull out another outfit for the baby. Halfway through dressing the baby, the toddler announces a sudden desperate urge to go potty and a heretofore unmentioned fear of the dark. Deal with that issue.

If desired, you may repeatedly announce your intention to eat breakfast. For instance, you could say to the toddler, “I can’t color right now because I still need to eat my breakfast.” This is perfectly OK. You can even go so far as to take a bowl out of the cupboard and set it on the counter. This sounds very close to eating, but don’t worry – there’s no chance that any food will actually pass your lips.

At this point, you remember that you have to make a lunch and dress the toddler. Wrestle her to the ground and force weather-appropriate clothes on her. Think about what you’re going to have for breakfast while you finish making the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Go ahead and pick up the crusts you’ve cut off the sandwich and lift them to your lips. While tempting, the danger is minimal, because you realize that you now have 12 minutes to take a shower and get ready for work.

When you return home in the evening, follow a similar strategy of feeding and caring for the children until they go to bed. Again, it’s totally acceptable to fantasize about having dinner, because once the kids are asleep, you’ll be too tired to actually eat anything.

The other aspect of the diet operates on an even simpler principle: You can’t eat food if you can’t buy food.

The most important thing to keep in mind to make this part of the SWM Diet effective is this: Pay all of your bills before you attempt to buy groceries. If you go to the store after receiving your paycheck but before paying rent, you are in great danger of cheating on your diet.

In no time, you’ll be amazed at the results. Just be careful you don’t lose so much weight that you have to spend money on new clothes.