The usual terms of endearment don’t seem applicable

There ought to be a different word than “boyfriend.” When I entered the dating scene in my late 30s, after having been married for a dozen years, I had not dated a lot. I worried about lots of things as I “got back out there” as people put it in such a utilitarian manner, including whether I could have a romantic conversation in a language that’s not my own. Words and emotions go together, you know, and when you learn a new language, lots can be lost in the nuance. So I began wondering: If you are dating a professional who’s close to 50 and has nearly grown kids, he can’t possibly be your boyfriend, can he?

I am not alone. Online and among the unmarried women I know, many find that “boyfriend” doesn’t quite cut it when the man you’re looking at is 30 or more years past being a boy.

In many European languages, including my native Danish, there’s a word that simply means “a love.” It has no age or gender connotations, and it’s used about the person you are dating but not married to. I can’t seem to find an English word that works the same way.

While dating, I’ve been called a variety of cutesy names, including “princess” and “precious” with the occasional “babe” mixed in – but clearly, as endearing as I find that, those names don’t work when I’m being introduced to someone’s colleagues or, gasp, family.One of my girlfriends was recently introduced by the man she’s been dating for three years as “my woman.” I’m not sure I could introduce someone as “my man” unless, perhaps, he’s part of a biker gang – and then I’d automatically be his “old lady.” Ouch.

I’ve heard women introduce themselves as someone’s “sweetheart.” I like that, yet somehow it reminds me of “Little House on the Prairie.”

“Lover” is out – it smacks of steamy by-the-hour motel encounters and illegitimacy.

“Significant other” or “S.O.” sounds more like a government acronym than an intimate love interest.

The jury is out on the term “partner.” Some like it when describing any long-term, committed, often live-in relationship, and others say “partner” works only for same-sex couples.

To me, the least romantic introduction has to be: “This is Joe, he’s someone I’ve been seeing.” There’s something about that specific sentence construction that makes it sound like the relationship is already over.

The Relationship Coaching Institute endorses the term “special friend” to be used in what they call “the pre-committed relationship.”

OK, that’s not so bad – I’ve said “friend.” And I have also introduced someone as “the man in my life.” Everyone involved seemed to know what that meant.

The real issue is, of course, that not all dating situations are as cut and dry as Miss Manners would like for them to be, especially when you’ve already been married, are pretty self-sufficient, yet find yourself looking for company that doesn’t necessarily lead to the altar.

Another friend of mine says I just need to get over it, because “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” are established terms and if people don’t like being called that, “then they just need to get married.”

OK, all right, point well taken, but all I’m saying is that for some of us that won’t work.

Who needs a label you ask?

Well, this is a small town, so you can be darned sure you’ll have to make introductions when you venture out on the town with a romantic interest.

And who wants to say: “Oh, hello there, yes, this is Bob. We’ve been seeing each other on and off for years, but we have separate addresses, yet spend the night when we darn well feel like it. And there is no need for you to pass judgment on our lack of shared newspaper subscription and organized commitment.”

There. How is that for too much information?

Then I think I like “man in my life” better.