Letting ex in house is creepy

Dear Annie: After not seeing his 9-year-old daughter for almost a year, my ex-husband announced he was flying in for a long weekend visit. We have been divorced for a while, and he moved across the country with his new wife and child. He lives several hundred miles away and has never seen the house where my daughter and I have lived for the past two years (a house I purchased entirely on my own).

My ex keeps insisting he will pick up our daughter at my house. The problem? I don’t want him in my house! I know my daughter wants to show her father her room, and that will eventually lead to a tour of the entire place. In my last house, my ex would walk in uninvited, even into my bedroom, or use the bathroom so he could snoop through the medicine cabinet and linen closets. I know when he visits he’ll take inventory of all my possessions. He regularly asks my daughter about the size of the TV, any new purchases, etc.

The man is an abusive bully, and although my daughter doesn’t remember this, she is figuring it out on her own. He makes derisive comments about my squandering child support money (I don’t), he sends the support checks late (and addresses them to my daughter), has called me every name in the book and gives me the creeps.

My friends think I’m crazy to keep him out of the house. But my home is my sanctuary, and I feel his presence will somehow defile it. I don’t want to keep him out of his daughter’s life, but do I have to let him in my house? – Under Siege

Dear Under Siege: No. You can arrange for your ex to pick up his daughter at a neutral location, or you can wait for him on your front steps. However, if your daughter is eager to show Daddy her bedroom, you might want to allow him in – once – for her sake. If that’s too much for you, let your daughter take some pictures of her room (as many as she’d like) and have her send them to Daddy.

Dear Annie: Is one obligated to give a wedding gift from the bridal couple’s registry? A handmade quilt or something else that can’t be duplicated seems like a very thoughtful gift to me, and I would have been thrilled to have received such a personal and unforgettable gift when I married.

I’ve seen registries that include fax machines and power drills. It seems greedy that couples today expect their guests to purchase things off a wish list, rather than just be happy to have something from the heart. – Wedding Guest

Dear Guest: You are not obligated to give something from the registry, although that actually evolved as a courtesy for the givers, most of whom prefer knowing what the bride and groom want (or can return).